I have just finished reading a wonderful book – Desirable Daughters by Bharati Mukherjee, after hearing about the book on Planethalder’s blog. The book is well-written, gripping, intense, vibrant and fast-paced. It’s hard to classify this book into any specific genre – because of the varied characters. There were parts of the book which I did not agree with nor did I particularly care about the ending, but I liked the book all the same. But this post is not a book review, it’s about the emotions and thoughts that came to my mind while I was reading this book.
Since it is relevant to the post, I have to mention something about what the book is about. The main character in the book is Tara, a divorced mother of a teenager living in San Francisco with her Buddhist boyfriend. (to my fellow Buddhist friend who reads this blog, its Zen Buddhism!). She has two sisters – one living in India and the other in New Jersey. One day a young man turns up at Tara’s doorstep claiming to be her illegitimate nephew. Tara is obviously in turmoil and has to get to the bottom of it. The book is about Tara’s search for answers and explores the relationships between the sisters.
Why is this relevant to me ? because it got me thinking about my relationship with my sister. My sister is 8 years older than me and while we were growing up, she was always the big sister who sat in her room and read books. She was the epitome of a good daughter, studied well, no trouble, got married to the boy my parents chose for her at the ‘right’ age. She never rebelled against anything and led a vastly protected life. My brother, who is a year and a half older than me was my constant companion, as were friends in my building who were of similar age groups. My brother and I had no time for our bookworm sister and we would constantly gang-up, play pranks and annoy the hell out of her. As a result, my sister and I were never really close and I don’t remember having very many in-depth conversations with her, during my childhood.
It was only after she got married and left home, which was during my college, that we really began to acknowledge the other’s presence. We constantly wrote each other letters, spoke on the phone, visited each other and that was the start of a beautiful relationship. She would turn up, unannounced at our house from half-way across the country and surprise all of us. Those weekends when she turned up like that are some of my best memories.
Though we are close now and know a lot about each other’s lives, speak and email very often, I am not sure if we are that close. When I was going through a difficult time in my life a couple of years ago, she knew that I was down but probably did not know the exact reason. I have never spoken to her about that part of my life, nor has she asked me about it. Its almost as if we bottle up our innermost feelings and don’t mention unpleasant topics. I am like Tara’s sister in the novel – steer clear of controversial topics and change the subject quickly, if ever we discuss anything remotely controversial. Come to think of it, if one of us had an illegitimate child, I am not even sure the other would come to know !! Its almost as if our family peace is preserved through silence….
Tuesday, 31 July 2007
Concerts..
We live in a fast paced world of instant gratification. We want to cram up as many things as we possibly can do in a short space of time. Of course I am guilty of this too, in most spheres of my life. Yet, when it comes to listening to concerts, I want it the old fashioned way.
I recently attended two classical music concerts with friends of mine, which were both ‘double-bill’ concerts. This idea of having more than one musician entertain for an evening is not new. I have attended loads of such concerts in India. The important difference between India and here though is the duration of the concert. In India, these concerts lasted for a good couple of hours, like it should do. In this country, however, these so called ‘double-bill’ concerts last for merely 2 hours. So, for instance, like yesterday each artist got an hour to sing, which is a real disgrace, in my opinion. After a long, stressful work day, it takes time to unwind, relax - to get into the right frame of mind to be able to appreciate music. Just as I was getting into the music yesterday and dreaming about how lovely it would be to sing like that – so effortlessly, enjoying every second of it and transporting your listeners to another planet – it was all over. The concert was in the oldest surviving form of Hindustani classical music – dhrupad and the artiste is one of the finest exponents of that style. For him to be given an hour to sing is just such a waste. I loved the concert but felt so unfulfilled and incomplete at the end of it.
The second half of the concert was by an artiste whom I had not heard before. She sang khyal, tuppa and thumri – a completely different style of Hindustani classical singing from dhrupad. Yet, in my mind, I was comparing the two artistes, which is so unfair. Fortunately though, she was pretty good and her thumri rendition was incredible. She kept looking at the watch so as not to overrun her time, which I think takes a lot of fun away from the concert. It was almost as if she had to hurry through her alaap and launch straight into the piece, so as to save time.
The concert I attended last week was even worse than this ‘double-bill’. There were 2 musicians and a dancer, all big names, crammed into 2.5 hours. How can you do justice to any one of them ? I appreciate that the organising body wants to make the concert appeal to a wider audience etc but for proper concert goers like me (I sound like such a snob here, but I am not!) , it is highly disappointing and leaves you thirsting for more.
I recently attended two classical music concerts with friends of mine, which were both ‘double-bill’ concerts. This idea of having more than one musician entertain for an evening is not new. I have attended loads of such concerts in India. The important difference between India and here though is the duration of the concert. In India, these concerts lasted for a good couple of hours, like it should do. In this country, however, these so called ‘double-bill’ concerts last for merely 2 hours. So, for instance, like yesterday each artist got an hour to sing, which is a real disgrace, in my opinion. After a long, stressful work day, it takes time to unwind, relax - to get into the right frame of mind to be able to appreciate music. Just as I was getting into the music yesterday and dreaming about how lovely it would be to sing like that – so effortlessly, enjoying every second of it and transporting your listeners to another planet – it was all over. The concert was in the oldest surviving form of Hindustani classical music – dhrupad and the artiste is one of the finest exponents of that style. For him to be given an hour to sing is just such a waste. I loved the concert but felt so unfulfilled and incomplete at the end of it.
The second half of the concert was by an artiste whom I had not heard before. She sang khyal, tuppa and thumri – a completely different style of Hindustani classical singing from dhrupad. Yet, in my mind, I was comparing the two artistes, which is so unfair. Fortunately though, she was pretty good and her thumri rendition was incredible. She kept looking at the watch so as not to overrun her time, which I think takes a lot of fun away from the concert. It was almost as if she had to hurry through her alaap and launch straight into the piece, so as to save time.
The concert I attended last week was even worse than this ‘double-bill’. There were 2 musicians and a dancer, all big names, crammed into 2.5 hours. How can you do justice to any one of them ? I appreciate that the organising body wants to make the concert appeal to a wider audience etc but for proper concert goers like me (I sound like such a snob here, but I am not!) , it is highly disappointing and leaves you thirsting for more.
Wednesday, 25 July 2007
Vicious Cycle
Calculus and I have such different likes and dislikes..I dont have much of a sweet tooth. Calculus, on the other hand, loves sweets and refrains from eating them everyday (just about!) only because of the calories. I have a few favourite chocolates, which I always stock at home. I may not eat them for months on end but the very thought that we have some at home is comforting enough for me. Calculus on the other hand, will eat sweets if we have them at home. If we dont have them at home, he will seldom go out and get any for himself. I, on the other hand, will replenish our stock as soon as it reaches a certain level.. so the cycle goes on and on..
Crying
Since we are in the process of weaning the little one, we try and experiment with new foods everyday.. The advice from the health visitor is quite contrary to what my parents suggest - for instance my parents say that mango, spinach is tabboo at this young age but the health visitor says you can give her those foods. Since we finally have to rely on the health system here for any treatment, we have decided to go with what the health visitors advice.
She already has clear favourites - loves apple and carrot, banana though she can polish off pear, caulifower, broccoli as well. We tried spinach for the first time yesterday. My parents think its very hard to digest and though its rich in iron, we dont give this to children in India at such a young age. Yet we tried this yesterday. She ate it with relish and had quite a good portion in the afternoon.
Last evening though, she seemed really uncomfortable and was crying loudly for no apparent reason. We tried all the usual stuff, but she would not quieten down.. It was really tough to watch her like that because she has never cried like that in the past. All our singing and dancing did not pacify her and only after massaging her tummy for a while did she calm down. My parents immediately put it down to the spinach and so its banned now. Has anybody else encountered this ??
She already has clear favourites - loves apple and carrot, banana though she can polish off pear, caulifower, broccoli as well. We tried spinach for the first time yesterday. My parents think its very hard to digest and though its rich in iron, we dont give this to children in India at such a young age. Yet we tried this yesterday. She ate it with relish and had quite a good portion in the afternoon.
Last evening though, she seemed really uncomfortable and was crying loudly for no apparent reason. We tried all the usual stuff, but she would not quieten down.. It was really tough to watch her like that because she has never cried like that in the past. All our singing and dancing did not pacify her and only after massaging her tummy for a while did she calm down. My parents immediately put it down to the spinach and so its banned now. Has anybody else encountered this ??
Prams in Central London
The tube is rather unfriendly for children and their prams, let alone for wheelchairs. Most central london tube stations do not provide complete step-free access. Though there are escalators provided, there are always a few steps to climb in most stations. Going through the network on a normal day, I dont even notice them anymore and walk through the station quite mechanically, lost in my own thoughts. My first exposure to how difficult it really is, was when I took the little one for lunch to my office. I did not think it through beforehand at all, else I would have taken my baby sling. Instead, I ended up carrying her pram. At my end, i have a lift to take me to the platform, since the station has been recently modernised. But when I got to the city, I had to manoeuvre the pram all on my own. I was visibly struggling with it, yet not a single soul stopped by to help. I am normally not sexist, but all of these were men !! Finally, a young girl, laden with suitcases offered to help me. She put down her suitcases and helped me with the pram..On the way back, Calculus helped me. Ever since, I am always careful to have somebody meet me at the station or I choose to travel to those stations with step-free access and walk the remaining distance..
I was suddenly reminded of all this today because there was a lady with a similar predicament today in the city, when I was coming back home from work. The station was not empty by any stretch of imagination and there were loads of people walking around, yet nobody stopped to help her. When I offered to help, she was so relieved. We started chatting and she was saying the same things - that its always other women who help out with the prams etc etc..
At least with prams, we have the option to lift them and take them up the stairs. I really do wonder how people in wheelchairs get around...
I was suddenly reminded of all this today because there was a lady with a similar predicament today in the city, when I was coming back home from work. The station was not empty by any stretch of imagination and there were loads of people walking around, yet nobody stopped to help her. When I offered to help, she was so relieved. We started chatting and she was saying the same things - that its always other women who help out with the prams etc etc..
At least with prams, we have the option to lift them and take them up the stairs. I really do wonder how people in wheelchairs get around...
Wednesday, 18 July 2007
Retail Therapy
There are a few things which can put on a smile on my face instantly; retail therapy being one of them. (yes I know, I am that shallow!) For me, retail therapy almost always means buying clothes because I am addicted to clothes. Thankfully, I am not (yet) addicted to designer clothing. I have a few favourite non-designer stores and I scout them religiously to keep up-to-date with their latest styles. July, being the season of sales here in the UK, I keep a close look-out for them. One of the stores I frequent has fabulous clothes, but is quite expensive during non-sale time. So during the sales, I go berserk and buy a lot.
I have made a new resolution from this year – to buy clothes which are different from what I normally wear, which is mostly pastel and dull shades. Bright colours are totally lacking in my wardrobe, which I want to change. I also tend to not wear too many skirts, so want to get that remedied from this year too.
This being the sale season, one of my favourite shops sale has begun. One of the biggest advantages of leaving early from work is that I get some time to browse around shops, which are close to my workplace. So yesterday, I went to the above mentioned shop and bought quite a lot. (both in terms of number of clothes and money spent) Calculus never says a word and even encourages me to buy clothes (because he wrongly assumes that if I do buy my clothes myself, I will not ask him to buy me anything for my birthday/anniversary etc.. Yeah right !) but I feel guilty because he spends so little on himself. I can totally relate with what Southways has written about here. Also, Calculus knows exactly how much I have spent because we have joint credit cards, so the amount I spend is always at the back of my mind. Perhaps I should take a clue from Mrs Moneypenny (who writes a regular column in the FT weekend magazine) when she mentions that a lot of the wives/girlfriends of rich, high-profile bankers pay for their shopping partly by cash and partly by credit card. Reason being, the husbands would not know the real cost of how much their wives actually spend and everybody is happy...
I have made a new resolution from this year – to buy clothes which are different from what I normally wear, which is mostly pastel and dull shades. Bright colours are totally lacking in my wardrobe, which I want to change. I also tend to not wear too many skirts, so want to get that remedied from this year too.
This being the sale season, one of my favourite shops sale has begun. One of the biggest advantages of leaving early from work is that I get some time to browse around shops, which are close to my workplace. So yesterday, I went to the above mentioned shop and bought quite a lot. (both in terms of number of clothes and money spent) Calculus never says a word and even encourages me to buy clothes (because he wrongly assumes that if I do buy my clothes myself, I will not ask him to buy me anything for my birthday/anniversary etc.. Yeah right !) but I feel guilty because he spends so little on himself. I can totally relate with what Southways has written about here. Also, Calculus knows exactly how much I have spent because we have joint credit cards, so the amount I spend is always at the back of my mind. Perhaps I should take a clue from Mrs Moneypenny (who writes a regular column in the FT weekend magazine) when she mentions that a lot of the wives/girlfriends of rich, high-profile bankers pay for their shopping partly by cash and partly by credit card. Reason being, the husbands would not know the real cost of how much their wives actually spend and everybody is happy...
Judgement Tag
Tagged by the lovely Broom to write about what we judge, who we judge and why. Calculus always tells me that I have two sets of rules – one for myself and one for the rest of the world. After this tag, I think I may have to agree with him !
- I tend to judge people whose written and/or spoken English is not too good. I expect people to write/speak grammatically correct English, though I don’t do it myself many a times.
- I judge people by the car they drive. I have my own hierarchy of cars that I like and think are cool and those that are way too-uncool. I judge people who drive big cars and four wheel drives as being totally irresponsible and environmentally unfriendly. Yet I love big gas-guzzlers and would love to own one myself. And if you don’t drive, well I don’t even know what to say.
- I judge people on the educational qualifications they have. I have had to stop myself so many times from rejecting CVs outright of candidates who don’t have a master’s qualification or an engineering degree.
- I judge people by the clothes they wear and how well groomed they are.
- I judge people who don’t have an ipod. Come on, how can one NOT have even a single ipod. And no, I don’t get any commission nor do I have any shares in Apple.
- I judge people who don’t cook at home and tend to eat out a lot. I would love to eat out more often myself, just that because I am vegetarian my options are rather limited and so we tend not to.
- I judge people who shop at Primark (a cheap fashion store), though I do it sometimes in secret and don’t admit it to anyone.
- I judge people who 'put-on' accents. I find it really annoying.
- I judge people who are slow to learn stuff. I pick up stuff quite fast and mostly need to be told how to do things only once, so I am quick to judge people who learn slowly.
Gosh, I am going to stop now – I did not realise I was so judgemental myself till I put this all down.
Thanks to Broom, by the end of this tag, none of us are going to have any friends left!!
- I tend to judge people whose written and/or spoken English is not too good. I expect people to write/speak grammatically correct English, though I don’t do it myself many a times.
- I judge people by the car they drive. I have my own hierarchy of cars that I like and think are cool and those that are way too-uncool. I judge people who drive big cars and four wheel drives as being totally irresponsible and environmentally unfriendly. Yet I love big gas-guzzlers and would love to own one myself. And if you don’t drive, well I don’t even know what to say.
- I judge people on the educational qualifications they have. I have had to stop myself so many times from rejecting CVs outright of candidates who don’t have a master’s qualification or an engineering degree.
- I judge people by the clothes they wear and how well groomed they are.
- I judge people who don’t have an ipod. Come on, how can one NOT have even a single ipod. And no, I don’t get any commission nor do I have any shares in Apple.
- I judge people who don’t cook at home and tend to eat out a lot. I would love to eat out more often myself, just that because I am vegetarian my options are rather limited and so we tend not to.
- I judge people who shop at Primark (a cheap fashion store), though I do it sometimes in secret and don’t admit it to anyone.
- I judge people who 'put-on' accents. I find it really annoying.
- I judge people who are slow to learn stuff. I pick up stuff quite fast and mostly need to be told how to do things only once, so I am quick to judge people who learn slowly.
Gosh, I am going to stop now – I did not realise I was so judgemental myself till I put this all down.
Thanks to Broom, by the end of this tag, none of us are going to have any friends left!!
Tuesday, 17 July 2007
Pride Tag...
I have been reading the tag which has been going around about the 8 things which I am proud about. I am taking it up, because it took a lot of soul-searching (at least for me!) to come up with 8 things that I am proud of. So here goes (in no particular order)..
1. My Buddhist practice. Not only for the satisfaction, inner peace that it gives me but also to belong to a wonderful extended family of like-minded individuals. The SGI, of which I am a member, has given me so much that its hard to even try and quantify it. All I can say is that Buddhism has transformed my life.
2. Calculus. I have given him some extremely hard times, which I regret so so much now. The fact that he never complains about it, is still with me, by my side and supporting me whole-heartedly in everything is only a testament to his greatness.
3. My calm nature and composure. Calculus might disagree with me on this one, but I am calm and composed with everybody(except him!). I can count the number of times I have lost my temper and shouted at people though I tend to fume inwardly and become all quiet when I am angry. I was quite calm and composed even during my labour.
4. My daughter. She is such a cutie – quite a calm, happy baby. I should probably not be writing this here, you know not jinx it and all that !! She was not troublesome when she was inside me, did not give me a hard time while coming into this world and generally has a good temperament. Probably she is storing up all her energy to trouble me later !!
5. Proud to be my mother’s daughter. She has experienced immense hardship in her life and has come up against all odds, yet is so humble. I should do a post about her sometime.
Ufffffff, this tag thing is proving to be harder than I expected. Only two more to go !!
6. My driving. I learnt driving after I came to this country and have driven so much in the last few years. I love driving, am quite good at it and navigate myself pretty well (without a GPS!!). A lot of people used to refer to me as the ‘motorway queen’ because of the amount of motorway driving that I used to do.
7. My work. I have worked in a variety of professions now, including a call centre (hated every minute of it), a minority ethnic women’s charity, software consulting, project management and now into financial consulting. Without any previous experience in finance, it was a big deal for me to land up with my present job. As I was into consulting, I had to advise, suggest solutions about capital adequacy and the likes to credit risk managers in various banks, all the while aware that these people have been in the profession for decades, whereas I had joined yesterday ! It was really hard, appearing to be knowledgeable and I was under enormous pressure. I have really built up a good reputation now though and many clients ask for me by name to work on their projects.
8. Openness and willingness to try stuff. I am quite open and am willing to try anything once.
What a relief to be able to get this done finally and what a time-consuming exercise this has turned out to be....
1. My Buddhist practice. Not only for the satisfaction, inner peace that it gives me but also to belong to a wonderful extended family of like-minded individuals. The SGI, of which I am a member, has given me so much that its hard to even try and quantify it. All I can say is that Buddhism has transformed my life.
2. Calculus. I have given him some extremely hard times, which I regret so so much now. The fact that he never complains about it, is still with me, by my side and supporting me whole-heartedly in everything is only a testament to his greatness.
3. My calm nature and composure. Calculus might disagree with me on this one, but I am calm and composed with everybody(except him!). I can count the number of times I have lost my temper and shouted at people though I tend to fume inwardly and become all quiet when I am angry. I was quite calm and composed even during my labour.
4. My daughter. She is such a cutie – quite a calm, happy baby. I should probably not be writing this here, you know not jinx it and all that !! She was not troublesome when she was inside me, did not give me a hard time while coming into this world and generally has a good temperament. Probably she is storing up all her energy to trouble me later !!
5. Proud to be my mother’s daughter. She has experienced immense hardship in her life and has come up against all odds, yet is so humble. I should do a post about her sometime.
Ufffffff, this tag thing is proving to be harder than I expected. Only two more to go !!
6. My driving. I learnt driving after I came to this country and have driven so much in the last few years. I love driving, am quite good at it and navigate myself pretty well (without a GPS!!). A lot of people used to refer to me as the ‘motorway queen’ because of the amount of motorway driving that I used to do.
7. My work. I have worked in a variety of professions now, including a call centre (hated every minute of it), a minority ethnic women’s charity, software consulting, project management and now into financial consulting. Without any previous experience in finance, it was a big deal for me to land up with my present job. As I was into consulting, I had to advise, suggest solutions about capital adequacy and the likes to credit risk managers in various banks, all the while aware that these people have been in the profession for decades, whereas I had joined yesterday ! It was really hard, appearing to be knowledgeable and I was under enormous pressure. I have really built up a good reputation now though and many clients ask for me by name to work on their projects.
8. Openness and willingness to try stuff. I am quite open and am willing to try anything once.
What a relief to be able to get this done finally and what a time-consuming exercise this has turned out to be....
Sunday, 15 July 2007
Ear-Piercing
This subject has been the bone of contention between me and Calculus from the time our daughter was born. Calculus hates piercing of any kind. He cannot understand why people subject themselves to so much ‘torture’ for some shiny pieces of metal or ‘carbon’ for that matter. How truly unromantic (‘carbon’ indeed!!), but that’s a post for some other day.
Earrings are the one piece of jewellery which I absolutely adore. I am not a big fan of jewellery (of the precious kind!), but earrings are an exception. I have quite a big collection of earrings and it has always been my dream to see my daughter wear them sometime, so I was not letting ear-piercing go without a big fight.
Fortunately, for me, everybody in my family (and Calculus’s family) wanted us to get it done sooner rather than later. His parents tried to convince him when they were here, but to no avail. I have been slowly working on him, though every time I mentioned this topic, it used to irk him. I have never let it go entirely, asking him once every couple of days to see if he has changed his mind. Last week, during one such try, he agreed reluctantly !
I had already found out where I can get it done, the earring I wanted her to have and all such stuff. Calculus wanted me to wait for the weekend, so he could be there too, but I just wanted to do it as soon as possible, in case he changed his mind later. So my parents and I went and had her ears pierced on Friday. Holding her still while they marked the spot on her ears, checking if they were symmetric was probably worse that the piercing itself. I have to say that the lady was extremely patient and sweet, even though the little one was being so fidgety ! The good part was that two ladies did both ears simultaneously, so the whole thing was over with one round of crying. She looks so so cute, even if I say so myself that it was totally worth all the effort.
Earrings are the one piece of jewellery which I absolutely adore. I am not a big fan of jewellery (of the precious kind!), but earrings are an exception. I have quite a big collection of earrings and it has always been my dream to see my daughter wear them sometime, so I was not letting ear-piercing go without a big fight.
Fortunately, for me, everybody in my family (and Calculus’s family) wanted us to get it done sooner rather than later. His parents tried to convince him when they were here, but to no avail. I have been slowly working on him, though every time I mentioned this topic, it used to irk him. I have never let it go entirely, asking him once every couple of days to see if he has changed his mind. Last week, during one such try, he agreed reluctantly !
I had already found out where I can get it done, the earring I wanted her to have and all such stuff. Calculus wanted me to wait for the weekend, so he could be there too, but I just wanted to do it as soon as possible, in case he changed his mind later. So my parents and I went and had her ears pierced on Friday. Holding her still while they marked the spot on her ears, checking if they were symmetric was probably worse that the piercing itself. I have to say that the lady was extremely patient and sweet, even though the little one was being so fidgety ! The good part was that two ladies did both ears simultaneously, so the whole thing was over with one round of crying. She looks so so cute, even if I say so myself that it was totally worth all the effort.
Saturday, 14 July 2007
Close Call...
My mother doesn’t know yet that I blog. In fact, nobody in my family know that I blog, except for Calculus. I tend to be secretive like that ! Plus I cant complain that my mother is driving me insane, if she reads my blog, can I ? So I haven’t told her that I blog. I would love for her to read what I write, but I am apprehensive about it because I can no longer write what I want, without careful deliberation.
Today, after a wonderful afternoon spent in the company of blogger friends of mine, I was dreading the question from my mother “So how do you know them ?”, which I was sure my mother would ask. Sure enough, ask she did ! The conversation went something like this:
Mother – Such nice girls sorry people, considering there was one boy amongst them.
Me – Yeah, I have finally found some good friends here in London.
Mother – So who is the one who works with you ?
Me – none of them (I know where this conversation is going already !)
Mother – So how do you know them ?
Me – (deftly trying to change the topic) A is in such and such a profession.. Her husband is an academic (she loves anything to do with academia). B and her partner are both in the software industry.
Mother – that’s very interesting. I still wonder how you know them though.
Me – They blog and I read their blogs.
Mother – Enna? (what). What is that ?
Me – (explain to her what a blog is)
Mother – so is it an online community?
Me – yeah, in a sense
Mother – do you contribute too?
Me – (so want to tell her I have a blog, but at the same time don’t want to either!) yeah sometimes
Mother – so what do you write about?
Me – this and that really (how can I admit to her that I write about how she drives me mad)
Mother – Would like to read it sometime. Why don’t you email it to me?
Me – Sure, will do that.
Phewww! Emailing a post to her is so much easier, as I can pick and choose what she should read. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss!
Today, after a wonderful afternoon spent in the company of blogger friends of mine, I was dreading the question from my mother “So how do you know them ?”, which I was sure my mother would ask. Sure enough, ask she did ! The conversation went something like this:
Mother – Such nice girls sorry people, considering there was one boy amongst them.
Me – Yeah, I have finally found some good friends here in London.
Mother – So who is the one who works with you ?
Me – none of them (I know where this conversation is going already !)
Mother – So how do you know them ?
Me – (deftly trying to change the topic) A is in such and such a profession.. Her husband is an academic (she loves anything to do with academia). B and her partner are both in the software industry.
Mother – that’s very interesting. I still wonder how you know them though.
Me – They blog and I read their blogs.
Mother – Enna? (what). What is that ?
Me – (explain to her what a blog is)
Mother – so is it an online community?
Me – yeah, in a sense
Mother – do you contribute too?
Me – (so want to tell her I have a blog, but at the same time don’t want to either!) yeah sometimes
Mother – so what do you write about?
Me – this and that really (how can I admit to her that I write about how she drives me mad)
Mother – Would like to read it sometime. Why don’t you email it to me?
Me – Sure, will do that.
Phewww! Emailing a post to her is so much easier, as I can pick and choose what she should read. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss!
Thursday, 12 July 2007
Musical Memories
I love classical music, of all sorts. I have grown up with listening to a lot of classical music at home and though I did not like it much initially, I have grown to love it. It also used to be quite un-cool during my childhood (at least among my friends) to actually listen, let alone like classical music. In my opinion, such an overdose of exposure during one’s childhood either makes you start loving it (like me) or loathing it (my brother).
My earliest memories of my childhood are going for concerts along with my father. We lived in a huge colony of nuclear scientists (my mother is one), who volunteered to form a classical music group and organised regular concerts. So I grew up listening to many of the famous names within the world of Indian classical music. These concerts were nothing like what I have attended in this country – they were proper, long concerts lasting for over three hours. At the time, it used to be a real struggle for me to sit through them, considering most of these were held late evening. There was no question of leaving midway through them, because it was a 20 minute walk home through empty, desolate roads. So the fear of walking home alone, added to not wanting to incur my father’s wrath would make me sit through them. After a while though, time just flew through these concerts and I would not even notice where the hours went.
There was also something special about the atmosphere in those concerts. Most of the uncles (we called everybody above a certain age ‘uncle’ during my childhood days. Uff I sound so ancient, fret not for I am not that old!) were self-taught musicians, who had learned to appreciate and understand classical music because of their own interest. So even though we had a small audience at times, all those present were there because they were really interested in music. There used to be pin-drop silence during the concerts, broken only by sounds of appreciation or the sound of thalam (keeping the rhythm) from the audience. It was rather informal and we could hang-out with the artistes at the end of the concert. I was obviously too young and self-conscious to ask them anything meaningful, but nevertheless I used to enjoy the interaction. Some of the artistes were so humble that it was so refreshing and enjoyable to be able to listen to them talk. Then there were some who were regularly inebriated, yet performed so wonderfully during the concert. My father would never let me mingle around with this particular artiste, almost as if my young impressionable mind would be corrupted. The artistes themselves honoured audience requests, sang a lot of unusual ragas and songs and in general experimented a lot. A lot of them used to mention that singing in our Sabha was great for them because they did not have the normal pressures of singing to an audience and that they loved the experience.
During my college days, this interest in classical music continued and I became an active member of SPIC-MACAY, organizing classical music concerts around schools and colleges in Bombay. We used to pick up and drop artistes to the different venues, which presented us with ample opportunities and time to interact with them. I gradually lost my fear of speaking with them and it was immensely pleasurable to be able to hear their stories. I have very fond memories of one particular Oddissi dancer from Bombay, who was such a good sport and a fabulous person. I used to attend concerts all over Bombay – Banganga, IMG, Mood I Classical Fest – some of which were magical, all-night events.
My ipods are full of classical music now and I listened to a lot of music during my pregnancy. This seems to have paid off to some extent, as my daughter already loves music. Music can calm her down instantly, make her eat her food, stop her crying and settle her down. It’s a real treat to watch her look at me with rapt attention when I sing “Sa re ga ma” or “Do re mi”. I think music takes priority for her, even over shadow watching, which is saying a lot…
My earliest memories of my childhood are going for concerts along with my father. We lived in a huge colony of nuclear scientists (my mother is one), who volunteered to form a classical music group and organised regular concerts. So I grew up listening to many of the famous names within the world of Indian classical music. These concerts were nothing like what I have attended in this country – they were proper, long concerts lasting for over three hours. At the time, it used to be a real struggle for me to sit through them, considering most of these were held late evening. There was no question of leaving midway through them, because it was a 20 minute walk home through empty, desolate roads. So the fear of walking home alone, added to not wanting to incur my father’s wrath would make me sit through them. After a while though, time just flew through these concerts and I would not even notice where the hours went.
There was also something special about the atmosphere in those concerts. Most of the uncles (we called everybody above a certain age ‘uncle’ during my childhood days. Uff I sound so ancient, fret not for I am not that old!) were self-taught musicians, who had learned to appreciate and understand classical music because of their own interest. So even though we had a small audience at times, all those present were there because they were really interested in music. There used to be pin-drop silence during the concerts, broken only by sounds of appreciation or the sound of thalam (keeping the rhythm) from the audience. It was rather informal and we could hang-out with the artistes at the end of the concert. I was obviously too young and self-conscious to ask them anything meaningful, but nevertheless I used to enjoy the interaction. Some of the artistes were so humble that it was so refreshing and enjoyable to be able to listen to them talk. Then there were some who were regularly inebriated, yet performed so wonderfully during the concert. My father would never let me mingle around with this particular artiste, almost as if my young impressionable mind would be corrupted. The artistes themselves honoured audience requests, sang a lot of unusual ragas and songs and in general experimented a lot. A lot of them used to mention that singing in our Sabha was great for them because they did not have the normal pressures of singing to an audience and that they loved the experience.
During my college days, this interest in classical music continued and I became an active member of SPIC-MACAY, organizing classical music concerts around schools and colleges in Bombay. We used to pick up and drop artistes to the different venues, which presented us with ample opportunities and time to interact with them. I gradually lost my fear of speaking with them and it was immensely pleasurable to be able to hear their stories. I have very fond memories of one particular Oddissi dancer from Bombay, who was such a good sport and a fabulous person. I used to attend concerts all over Bombay – Banganga, IMG, Mood I Classical Fest – some of which were magical, all-night events.
My ipods are full of classical music now and I listened to a lot of music during my pregnancy. This seems to have paid off to some extent, as my daughter already loves music. Music can calm her down instantly, make her eat her food, stop her crying and settle her down. It’s a real treat to watch her look at me with rapt attention when I sing “Sa re ga ma” or “Do re mi”. I think music takes priority for her, even over shadow watching, which is saying a lot…
Tuesday, 10 July 2007
Shadow Watching..
We have quite a big private terrace attached to our living room. It is really handy with the baby because my parents can take my little one for a stroll throughout the day. When the weather is sunny, they take her out very often as she loves observing shadows. Her face turns in a 180 degree angle to keep up with all the shadow watching. Off late, my mother has started making different kinds of movements with her hands to show the little one different shapes of shadows. She is fascinated with them and cannot have enough. As soon as you start making gestures with your hands though, the little one will look at the shadow for a couple of seconds and then look straight up at the hand, which is making those shadows. We, of course, have not taught her to do that. She has figured it out for herself, I thought it was rather sweet...
Monday, 9 July 2007
Decorating on Hold...
Moving house is such a royal pain, specially here in the UK where labour is so expensive for these kinds of tasks. This country is more of DIY land, which we are very bad at. When we moved from Wales about two years ago, Calculus and I did all the moving in our two cars. Since we owned our house in Cardiff, we had the flexibility to do it at our own pace and not rush things. It was quite an ordeal, even though we did not move any of our furniture. It was also tough deciding what to keep and what to give away, because we were moving from a four bedroom house to a one bedroom flat in London....
Since then, we have moved twice in the last two years. The last move was the best, in my opinion, as I did not have to do a thing.. I was heavily pregnant at the time and so my contribution to the move was minimal, if any at all. Calculus was a real darling and did all the moving and unpacking, with some external help. I have never felt settled in this place and have always considered it to be a temporary arrangement because we want to buy a place of our own. But buying a property in London is proving to be so difficult. We have got so used to having space now, specially after Wales, so every house that we look at (within our budget) is small.. Finding a house that we like is proving to be an uphill task and in the meanwhile my decorating is on hold. I have not put up any decorations in our flat as yet because I think I will do it properly when we move into our own place. All our photographs, photo frames, wooden figurines, lovely ethnic cushion covers are all stashed away.. its almost as if life is on hold..
Since then, we have moved twice in the last two years. The last move was the best, in my opinion, as I did not have to do a thing.. I was heavily pregnant at the time and so my contribution to the move was minimal, if any at all. Calculus was a real darling and did all the moving and unpacking, with some external help. I have never felt settled in this place and have always considered it to be a temporary arrangement because we want to buy a place of our own. But buying a property in London is proving to be so difficult. We have got so used to having space now, specially after Wales, so every house that we look at (within our budget) is small.. Finding a house that we like is proving to be an uphill task and in the meanwhile my decorating is on hold. I have not put up any decorations in our flat as yet because I think I will do it properly when we move into our own place. All our photographs, photo frames, wooden figurines, lovely ethnic cushion covers are all stashed away.. its almost as if life is on hold..
Sunday, 8 July 2007
Baby Swimming
We are into week 3 of the baby swimming course now. There are 4 other babies - one around the same age as her at 6 months and the others are older. The first week was great fun - she did not cry at all. She seemed a bit indifferent to what was happening around her. The last 2 weeks have been a real test of our patience though. She has been crying mostly throughout the class, which lasts for around 30 minutes. Yesterday, the water temperature was quite low, which set all the babies off. We do fun things in the water - sing songs, play with toys and generally splash about. Yesterday, we were asked to sit them on the wall of the pool, pick them up and put their face and head under the water. The babies seemed ok after the ordeal, though am not sure the parents were. Apparently, babies learn to hold their breath underwater pretty well.
A friend of mine had told me a while ago that she was taking her 4 month old baby for swimming lessons. She mentioned about a 9-month old baby in her son's swimming class who could actually swim before he could even walk. How cool is that !! Calculus cannot swim and I learnt swimming after coming to this country. So if she actually learns to swim before she can walk, that would just be fab..
A friend of mine had told me a while ago that she was taking her 4 month old baby for swimming lessons. She mentioned about a 9-month old baby in her son's swimming class who could actually swim before he could even walk. How cool is that !! Calculus cannot swim and I learnt swimming after coming to this country. So if she actually learns to swim before she can walk, that would just be fab..
Pangs of Jealousy..
I have never ever felt this way in my life. I am not a jealous person, by nature. Yet this time, officially I am jealous. I am ashamed to admit to myself, let alone on this blog. But once you have a blog and have decided to be honest about your true feelings, then there is no looking back. Its also an opportunity to better myself as a person, to look back at it in a few months/years with the realisation that I have grown as a person and learnt from this experience.
I am not even sure if I have anything to be jealous about. In the past too, my friends have formed closer friendships with each other, preferring them to me, if you like. But this time around, its hurting more. I dont know why, maybe its because age has caught up with me. Its hard to come across like-minded people and when you do find them, its as if they are slipping away from you and its not a nice feeling. Maybe I just need to mull over the situation, sleep over it and come back with a different plan.
I am not even sure if I have anything to be jealous about. In the past too, my friends have formed closer friendships with each other, preferring them to me, if you like. But this time around, its hurting more. I dont know why, maybe its because age has caught up with me. Its hard to come across like-minded people and when you do find them, its as if they are slipping away from you and its not a nice feeling. Maybe I just need to mull over the situation, sleep over it and come back with a different plan.
Obsession
You know you are becoming a tad obsessive with blogging when you dream of meeting bloggers whose blogs you check out regularly. Not a short dream which just ends with just the vision of meeting. But how you spend the day, where you eat, what you eat, what you discuss all day, bitch about other bloggers, admire other bloggers, discuss posts etc etc etc....
Worrying indeed !!!
Worrying indeed !!!
Friday, 6 July 2007
My Birth Story - Part 3
Part 1 and Part 2 here..
I had set myself a deadline of finishing this story off at least before my daughter turns 6 months and since I don’t have many days left for that milestone, I thought I should get my act together.
Continuing from here, Part 1 and Part 2, Calculus decided to go home, take a nap, get me some more food and build up his energy reserves as we did not really know how much longer we had. He left strict instructions with both me and the midwife to call him as soon as any action begun. I decided to rest a while but obviously sleep eluded me at that stage. My head was too cluttered with thoughts; I was so nervous that it was impossible to sleep. Finally around 10.00PM, just about an hour and a half after Calculus left, the contractions started. I don’t think I can describe accurately what a contraction feels like, but the nearest it comes to is how it was described in our labour class. Our instructor in the labour class made us all stand up with our back supported by a wall, knees bent and squat about half-way down. She asked us to stay in that position for as long as we could and just when we wanted to get up, stay some more and when the pain gets almost unbearable, that’s the starting point of a contraction. Try it out – it’s fairly realistic. Anyway when the first contraction came, I rang Calculus. The poor bloke had just gone to sleep hardly 20 minutes before he was summoned. He, of course, did not want to miss any of the action and rushed back to the hospital.
By around 10.30 my waters broke, which is one of the messiest things one can imagine. I had always wondered how women cope if this happens in a public place – I guess though it’s quite a natural thing, people would understand and frankly, being messy would be the last thing on your mind at that stage. The contractions came really quickly by this point. They were only a couple of minutes apart, no easing-into-it-gently phase for me. My first reaction, as I look back now, was sheer panic. I had forgotten to use my breathing exercises, did not relax at all, did not know how to cope at all and was panicking. Calculus repeatedly was asking me to relax, holding my hands but I was just not listening to him. I asked the nurse for an epidural and she told me that there were no doctors around, that they were extremely busy that night and she did not think I was going to get one that night. In fact, I was not going to get any gas and air either as there were no birthing suites free, which had that facility !! Of course, I could have screamed and shouted and probably they would have got a doctor in, but I was no mood for that. The nurse did give me an alternative of a having a pethidine injection, which I took. Of course it would take a little while to take effect, but it was better than no pain relief at all. The foetal heartbeat was still being constantly monitored, so I could not move up and about as much as I wanted to, but that was a minor inconvenience.
In the meanwhile, I calmed myself down mentally with immense effort and started to use my TENS machine. The TENS itself machine was great – I don’t think it takes the pain away, but it helps you deal with it better. You have to turn up the intensity of the electrical energy being released during a contraction and turn it down after one. I think the fact that you have something to do during each contraction itself was a big help. I also started chanting a lot in my head, which I am sure helped and started my breathing exercises during the duration of the contraction. The pethidine too started to kick in and I felt myself relax immensely. Sometime later, I felt much better as I was dealing with the contractions in a much more productive way and was also not feeling the pain as much. I had so much to do during each contraction – chant, use the TENS and breathe, so probably there was no time to feel the pain. The intensity of the contractions was quite strong from the start for me, so it did not get much worse. One of the side effects of pethidine is drowsiness, so I was struggling to keep my eyes open, but as soon as I would rest and start to doze off, a contraction would rudely wake me up ! Though I think, I did drift in and out of sleep, irrespective of the contractions.
Calculus was great all along – just giving in to all my orders of “fetch me this, fetch me that” without a word, encouraging me and generally being a rock. This went on for a good couple of hours. I was really relaxed by this time and knew what to do when a contraction came on. By around 3.00AM I was fairly tired and had this incredible urge to go to the toilet. It did not even strike me then that I might be dilated to 10cm by then, but Calculus remembered as they had mentioned this in our labour class. So he got the midwife to come and have a look at me. She came quite half-heartedly, all the while moaning that it would be a good couple of hours more and that there is no way I could be dilated already. But surprise of surprises, I was and she was quite shocked.
From then on, things started moving in fast forward. She told me that I would need to be moved almost immediately to the birthing suite and that it could be any time now. I was moved soon after to the birthing suite, which had (laughing) gas and air. Gas and air, I think, is the best thing ever during labour. There are varying opinions on this – some like it straight away and some don’t. I wish I had got this form of pain relief early on – I don’t think I would have taken anything else. Calculus too loved gas and air – the midwife suggested to him in passing that he could try it and before I knew it, he was hooked !! He was literally waiting for me to put it down, before he could grab it. Gas and air makes you slightly tipsy and Calculus was generally in a chatty mood, talking quite a lot to the midwives. I was so irritated with him at that stage and commanded him to stop using the gas and air but to no avail.
The birthing suite was the most luxurious of all the rooms that I had been in at the hospital and finally I got a room to myself. So far, it had just been a room with 4 beds, with a flimsy curtain separating me and the next screaming woman. So the birthing suite was quite pleasant. The midwives came in with all their equipment and we were all set to go. One of the midwives was a student, who was quite sweet, probably because of what she told me next !! She said that she did not believe the other midwives when they told her that I was so close to delivering as I was so calm and composed. I was well chuffed.
The next stage was the pushing. I was really really lucky as it all happened so quickly after then. With each contraction, I was asked to use all my force and push. After a couple of minutes, I heard Calculus scream that he could see the head. Then I pushed and pushed with each contraction but no progress. The midwife finally said that I would have to push harder as the baby was slowly starting to get distressed. I gave it all I had when I heard that and within a couple of pushes her head was out. It was only a matter of a few more seconds before she was out at 4.05AM. Calculus saw her first and told me that she was gorgeous. The midwife then put her on my chest and what can I say ? That feeling is just priceless. She was wide awake, very curious and looking all around. I am not sure how long we lay there, staring at each other. I think the miracle of birth never ceases to amaze and even if it were not my first time, I would feel just the same.
All in all, I would say it was quite a short labour for a first-time birth. Of course, I am not complaining and know how fortunate I was. Overall, it was not a bad experience at all. It was obviously painful, but manageable painful, if you know what I mean. The fact that there were friends of mine, who were chanting through the night for me, played a huge role, undoubtedly.
Phew !! What a long story this has turned out to be. I am quite tired even reliving the experience in my head. Obviously I was really knackered on the day and wanted to doze off so much, but the little one was so curious and inquisitive examining her new surroundings that she did not sleep till about 8.00AM – a good four hours after she was born. Calculus had not handled newborn babies before, so he was quite nervous to hold her and when the midwife asked him initially if he wanted to hold her, he actually said no !! Of course he held her after some time, rather nervously at first but has not looked back since. He is such a natural now that it’s hard to think he was nervous, at one stage. He is a thoroughly doting father and its an absolute delight to watch the two of them together..Modern fathers indeed..
I had set myself a deadline of finishing this story off at least before my daughter turns 6 months and since I don’t have many days left for that milestone, I thought I should get my act together.
Continuing from here, Part 1 and Part 2, Calculus decided to go home, take a nap, get me some more food and build up his energy reserves as we did not really know how much longer we had. He left strict instructions with both me and the midwife to call him as soon as any action begun. I decided to rest a while but obviously sleep eluded me at that stage. My head was too cluttered with thoughts; I was so nervous that it was impossible to sleep. Finally around 10.00PM, just about an hour and a half after Calculus left, the contractions started. I don’t think I can describe accurately what a contraction feels like, but the nearest it comes to is how it was described in our labour class. Our instructor in the labour class made us all stand up with our back supported by a wall, knees bent and squat about half-way down. She asked us to stay in that position for as long as we could and just when we wanted to get up, stay some more and when the pain gets almost unbearable, that’s the starting point of a contraction. Try it out – it’s fairly realistic. Anyway when the first contraction came, I rang Calculus. The poor bloke had just gone to sleep hardly 20 minutes before he was summoned. He, of course, did not want to miss any of the action and rushed back to the hospital.
By around 10.30 my waters broke, which is one of the messiest things one can imagine. I had always wondered how women cope if this happens in a public place – I guess though it’s quite a natural thing, people would understand and frankly, being messy would be the last thing on your mind at that stage. The contractions came really quickly by this point. They were only a couple of minutes apart, no easing-into-it-gently phase for me. My first reaction, as I look back now, was sheer panic. I had forgotten to use my breathing exercises, did not relax at all, did not know how to cope at all and was panicking. Calculus repeatedly was asking me to relax, holding my hands but I was just not listening to him. I asked the nurse for an epidural and she told me that there were no doctors around, that they were extremely busy that night and she did not think I was going to get one that night. In fact, I was not going to get any gas and air either as there were no birthing suites free, which had that facility !! Of course, I could have screamed and shouted and probably they would have got a doctor in, but I was no mood for that. The nurse did give me an alternative of a having a pethidine injection, which I took. Of course it would take a little while to take effect, but it was better than no pain relief at all. The foetal heartbeat was still being constantly monitored, so I could not move up and about as much as I wanted to, but that was a minor inconvenience.
In the meanwhile, I calmed myself down mentally with immense effort and started to use my TENS machine. The TENS itself machine was great – I don’t think it takes the pain away, but it helps you deal with it better. You have to turn up the intensity of the electrical energy being released during a contraction and turn it down after one. I think the fact that you have something to do during each contraction itself was a big help. I also started chanting a lot in my head, which I am sure helped and started my breathing exercises during the duration of the contraction. The pethidine too started to kick in and I felt myself relax immensely. Sometime later, I felt much better as I was dealing with the contractions in a much more productive way and was also not feeling the pain as much. I had so much to do during each contraction – chant, use the TENS and breathe, so probably there was no time to feel the pain. The intensity of the contractions was quite strong from the start for me, so it did not get much worse. One of the side effects of pethidine is drowsiness, so I was struggling to keep my eyes open, but as soon as I would rest and start to doze off, a contraction would rudely wake me up ! Though I think, I did drift in and out of sleep, irrespective of the contractions.
Calculus was great all along – just giving in to all my orders of “fetch me this, fetch me that” without a word, encouraging me and generally being a rock. This went on for a good couple of hours. I was really relaxed by this time and knew what to do when a contraction came on. By around 3.00AM I was fairly tired and had this incredible urge to go to the toilet. It did not even strike me then that I might be dilated to 10cm by then, but Calculus remembered as they had mentioned this in our labour class. So he got the midwife to come and have a look at me. She came quite half-heartedly, all the while moaning that it would be a good couple of hours more and that there is no way I could be dilated already. But surprise of surprises, I was and she was quite shocked.
From then on, things started moving in fast forward. She told me that I would need to be moved almost immediately to the birthing suite and that it could be any time now. I was moved soon after to the birthing suite, which had (laughing) gas and air. Gas and air, I think, is the best thing ever during labour. There are varying opinions on this – some like it straight away and some don’t. I wish I had got this form of pain relief early on – I don’t think I would have taken anything else. Calculus too loved gas and air – the midwife suggested to him in passing that he could try it and before I knew it, he was hooked !! He was literally waiting for me to put it down, before he could grab it. Gas and air makes you slightly tipsy and Calculus was generally in a chatty mood, talking quite a lot to the midwives. I was so irritated with him at that stage and commanded him to stop using the gas and air but to no avail.
The birthing suite was the most luxurious of all the rooms that I had been in at the hospital and finally I got a room to myself. So far, it had just been a room with 4 beds, with a flimsy curtain separating me and the next screaming woman. So the birthing suite was quite pleasant. The midwives came in with all their equipment and we were all set to go. One of the midwives was a student, who was quite sweet, probably because of what she told me next !! She said that she did not believe the other midwives when they told her that I was so close to delivering as I was so calm and composed. I was well chuffed.
The next stage was the pushing. I was really really lucky as it all happened so quickly after then. With each contraction, I was asked to use all my force and push. After a couple of minutes, I heard Calculus scream that he could see the head. Then I pushed and pushed with each contraction but no progress. The midwife finally said that I would have to push harder as the baby was slowly starting to get distressed. I gave it all I had when I heard that and within a couple of pushes her head was out. It was only a matter of a few more seconds before she was out at 4.05AM. Calculus saw her first and told me that she was gorgeous. The midwife then put her on my chest and what can I say ? That feeling is just priceless. She was wide awake, very curious and looking all around. I am not sure how long we lay there, staring at each other. I think the miracle of birth never ceases to amaze and even if it were not my first time, I would feel just the same.
All in all, I would say it was quite a short labour for a first-time birth. Of course, I am not complaining and know how fortunate I was. Overall, it was not a bad experience at all. It was obviously painful, but manageable painful, if you know what I mean. The fact that there were friends of mine, who were chanting through the night for me, played a huge role, undoubtedly.
Phew !! What a long story this has turned out to be. I am quite tired even reliving the experience in my head. Obviously I was really knackered on the day and wanted to doze off so much, but the little one was so curious and inquisitive examining her new surroundings that she did not sleep till about 8.00AM – a good four hours after she was born. Calculus had not handled newborn babies before, so he was quite nervous to hold her and when the midwife asked him initially if he wanted to hold her, he actually said no !! Of course he held her after some time, rather nervously at first but has not looked back since. He is such a natural now that it’s hard to think he was nervous, at one stage. He is a thoroughly doting father and its an absolute delight to watch the two of them together..Modern fathers indeed..
I so agree....
Men 'no less chatty than women'.
I work in a department where women are in a minority. We are largely under-represented and I am the only woman in the financial modelling side of things. The other women belong within the domain of project management. Since they are in a separate part of the office, I have to fight my corner all alone on gender-related arguments. We have spoken about this topic lots of times and I always get shouted down by their sheer numbers. This article should shut them up.
I work in a department where women are in a minority. We are largely under-represented and I am the only woman in the financial modelling side of things. The other women belong within the domain of project management. Since they are in a separate part of the office, I have to fight my corner all alone on gender-related arguments. We have spoken about this topic lots of times and I always get shouted down by their sheer numbers. This article should shut them up.
Thursday, 5 July 2007
Why why why...
• Why are some days more difficult than others ?
• Why does the same job seem more appealing on some days ?
• Why do you feel more lonely on some days ?
• Why does a bright, sunny day not cheer you up sometimes ?
• Why does the lack of friends around you bother you so much on some days ?
• Why does a night of not sleeping through bother you sometimes ?
• Why does people doing things together without including you bother you sometimes ?
• Why do you feel so cramped in your own space ?
• Why does everything that I want seem so impossible to achieve ?
• Why cannot I count my blessings ?
• Why do I have so many whys today ?
• Why does the same job seem more appealing on some days ?
• Why do you feel more lonely on some days ?
• Why does a bright, sunny day not cheer you up sometimes ?
• Why does the lack of friends around you bother you so much on some days ?
• Why does a night of not sleeping through bother you sometimes ?
• Why does people doing things together without including you bother you sometimes ?
• Why do you feel so cramped in your own space ?
• Why does everything that I want seem so impossible to achieve ?
• Why cannot I count my blessings ?
• Why do I have so many whys today ?
Wednesday, 4 July 2007
Doctors & the NHS..
The medical system here in the UK takes a lot of getting used to, specially if you come here from India. If you can afford to pay for your health care, India is a great option (quite similar to the US). You can decide to see a doctor at the drop of a hat, get to see a specialist, see them at your convenience etc if you can afford to pay. Growing up, I lived in a self-contained township which had doctor's clinics dotted all over our colony and a hospital too . We got good medical attention and probably the only thing which I can complain about was the long waiting times at an appointment. This only got better as I got older because my sister is a doctor. Our waiting times drastically reduced to practically nothing at all and we could just walk in without an appointment because we would be seeing her friends. I have to admit we would abuse this at times too - for instance I would see an ENT specialist for a cold, a dermatologist for a simple skin rash.. you get my drift ? Also she was always around at the other end of the phone for advice.
So coming to the UK was a big shock for me. You cannot visit the doctor on weekends, after-office hours, wait months and months to see a specialist.. the list is endless. In my initial years in the UK when I lived in Wales, I used to work away from home during the week so the only time I could see a doctor was a weekend, when they would be closed, so I would have to plan much in advance for a simple visit. When I moved to London, things got slightly better as the surgery works longer hours here and also because I worked in the same city. But my experience with the London doctors has been appalling.
I went to a doctor once with classic malaria-like symptoms - fever, chills, alternate shivering and sweating.. and get this just after I got back from South Africa. I specifically told the doctor this and all she said was do a test and come back after a week... When i called my sister in India and relayed the information, she was furious as malaria can get potentially fatal. I waited for a few more hours in the hope that it would disappear and when it did not, Calculus was quite worried. He insisted that we go to the accident and emergency department of our nearest hospital and drove me there in the middle of the night. The doctor had one look at me and prescribed me quinine. and I got better within a few hours.
Thankfully, I had a largely trouble-free pregnancy and so did not go to the doctor much. My pregnany-related asthma was largely under control with medicines sent by my sister from India. I had so much explaining to do to my parents and sister about how we dont see any doctors, if things are smooth in a normal pregnancy. Midwives deal with routine pregnancies and though this took a bit of getting used to initially, I think it works well. I am still not fully convinced of the efficacy of the system here, yet I think the way they deal with pregnancies and children is quite good. Routine pregnancies are dealt with completely by midwives and you dont see a doctor at all. The little one's routine progress is monitored by a health visitor. All concerns, questions are addressed by the health visitor and the little one has not yet been seen by a pediatrician.. She was seen once by a doctor when she was 2 months old. This was not a specialist, either. .I think this works quite well, freeing up the doctor's time for more serious illnesses. It has taken a really long time for me to be even remotely comfortable with this "attitude change" that is required.
A colleague of mine has recently moved over here from the US with a 3 year old son and yesterday when she was complaining about how you cannot be seen by a pediatrician, I found myself explaining the "attitude change" required. I felt like I had heard a voice from my past, repeating all the concerns I once had......
So coming to the UK was a big shock for me. You cannot visit the doctor on weekends, after-office hours, wait months and months to see a specialist.. the list is endless. In my initial years in the UK when I lived in Wales, I used to work away from home during the week so the only time I could see a doctor was a weekend, when they would be closed, so I would have to plan much in advance for a simple visit. When I moved to London, things got slightly better as the surgery works longer hours here and also because I worked in the same city. But my experience with the London doctors has been appalling.
I went to a doctor once with classic malaria-like symptoms - fever, chills, alternate shivering and sweating.. and get this just after I got back from South Africa. I specifically told the doctor this and all she said was do a test and come back after a week... When i called my sister in India and relayed the information, she was furious as malaria can get potentially fatal. I waited for a few more hours in the hope that it would disappear and when it did not, Calculus was quite worried. He insisted that we go to the accident and emergency department of our nearest hospital and drove me there in the middle of the night. The doctor had one look at me and prescribed me quinine. and I got better within a few hours.
Thankfully, I had a largely trouble-free pregnancy and so did not go to the doctor much. My pregnany-related asthma was largely under control with medicines sent by my sister from India. I had so much explaining to do to my parents and sister about how we dont see any doctors, if things are smooth in a normal pregnancy. Midwives deal with routine pregnancies and though this took a bit of getting used to initially, I think it works well. I am still not fully convinced of the efficacy of the system here, yet I think the way they deal with pregnancies and children is quite good. Routine pregnancies are dealt with completely by midwives and you dont see a doctor at all. The little one's routine progress is monitored by a health visitor. All concerns, questions are addressed by the health visitor and the little one has not yet been seen by a pediatrician.. She was seen once by a doctor when she was 2 months old. This was not a specialist, either. .I think this works quite well, freeing up the doctor's time for more serious illnesses. It has taken a really long time for me to be even remotely comfortable with this "attitude change" that is required.
A colleague of mine has recently moved over here from the US with a 3 year old son and yesterday when she was complaining about how you cannot be seen by a pediatrician, I found myself explaining the "attitude change" required. I felt like I had heard a voice from my past, repeating all the concerns I once had......
Back to Work..
I started work last week. After six whole months of not going to work, it felt really strange to walk into the office. We have a huge shortage of desk space in our department, so I was half-expecting to come in and scout for an empty one. I was quite pleasantly surprised to see that they had kept it empty for me.. It was quite a shock though to see that things were progressing smoothly in the office, almost as if I was expecting them not to !! The first day was a real challenge and the only thing which kept me going was the fact that I was meeting some lovely lady bloggers for lunch plus the fact that I could leave for home after that.
I miss the little one a lot during the day. The day seems so much bleaker without her smile to start the day. Since I start work early, there are many days when she doesn't wake up before I leave. But I guess I should not really complain, for I am home by about 3ish..
As time has gone by, going to work itself has got easier. I am slowly getting back into different projects and time passes by in a flash. But it is a real luxury coming back by 3 - probably a career change to have that permanently is something I should explore more closely.
I miss the little one a lot during the day. The day seems so much bleaker without her smile to start the day. Since I start work early, there are many days when she doesn't wake up before I leave. But I guess I should not really complain, for I am home by about 3ish..
As time has gone by, going to work itself has got easier. I am slowly getting back into different projects and time passes by in a flash. But it is a real luxury coming back by 3 - probably a career change to have that permanently is something I should explore more closely.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
