Since I have not been tagged by anybody to do this tag, I am going to tag myself and do it anyway. I like the idea and the fact that it requires a lot of introspection. The tag is to put down 10 things I miss in my life right now and 10 things I want in a decade:
10 things I miss in my life right now
1. Having family close by
2. Paani puri, bhelpuri and all kinds of chaat
3. Geeli mitthi ki khushboo (England has a lot of rain, yet the soil doesn’t smell the same here at all)
4. Living close to a (warm) beach.
5. Having my own house to do up the way I want to, drill holes where I want to, have more space for my daughter to walk.
6. Having a good chaat place close to my house.
7. My days in Hyderabad, where I was training with a bunch of really cool, like-minded colleagues for 6 months. They were some of the most carefree days of my entire life and we had a total blast.
8. Just being able to walk into a CD shop and select the music that I desperately want to hear right now (Carnatic Classicial – granted there are websites where I can buy it from here in the UK, but its just not the same)
9. Bombay in the rains, specially the colony where I grew up in.
10. Life is good, obviously because I can’t think of anything else.
Things I want to achieve and get within the decade
1. Reach a mental state where PMS can no longer get to me.
2. Run a marathon.
3. Buy our own place (hopefully it will not take a decade !!)
4. Take up re-learning classical music
5. Learn a new language
6. Have another baby
7. To develop an unshakeable sense of conviction in myself, be more patient with myself and other people.
8. Para-jumping and white water rafting
9. Have enough money to not have to worry about it. Ever.
10. Travel abroad more and know the streets of central London as well as I know the streets of Bombay.
Friday, 29 February 2008
Having a choice..
I started at my new workplace this week. I like the new place, work is interesting and my new manager is wonderful, which is a big welcome change from my old place. I particularly like the fact that I can search for Calculus’s name within my office email client for it to show up, because we both work for the same parent company now ( I know, I know am easy to please that way). We are in different buildings, but just down the road from each other.
I am surrounded by sales people though and you can tell instantly – they are overtly friendly, use cheesy, clichéd lines all the time and are gregarious, welcoming and are constantly on the phone talking revenues, license fees etc. It’s quite a big change for me from my old place which was development centric and will take a bit of getting used to.
After hearing cheesy lines all of yesterday, your ears get attuned to it and you hardly notice them any more. Yet this morning when one of the sales people jested with another that ‘Nothing’s perfect in this place, except you S’, I could not help but smile inwardly.
However, nothing of the work day prepared me for the way I felt when I went home. As soon as I got home, my tear ducts started working overtime and I just could not control myself. I never imagined for a second that I would miss my little one so much. The enormous sense of guilt, wondering if I did the right thing by changing a perfect routine that we had established, arguing back and forth within my own head about the merits of staying home vs. working. I have always been very career focussed and driven, so this came as a big shock to me. It was never this hard for me – probably just the fact that I don’t need to be at work all day made it pleasant, or maybe it was just the choice of going home when I pleased which made it worthwhile at my old place. Either way, I am hoping that this is just teething trouble, that it’s a phase which will pass and that I will be at peace with whatever decision I make.
I am surrounded by sales people though and you can tell instantly – they are overtly friendly, use cheesy, clichéd lines all the time and are gregarious, welcoming and are constantly on the phone talking revenues, license fees etc. It’s quite a big change for me from my old place which was development centric and will take a bit of getting used to.
After hearing cheesy lines all of yesterday, your ears get attuned to it and you hardly notice them any more. Yet this morning when one of the sales people jested with another that ‘Nothing’s perfect in this place, except you S’, I could not help but smile inwardly.
However, nothing of the work day prepared me for the way I felt when I went home. As soon as I got home, my tear ducts started working overtime and I just could not control myself. I never imagined for a second that I would miss my little one so much. The enormous sense of guilt, wondering if I did the right thing by changing a perfect routine that we had established, arguing back and forth within my own head about the merits of staying home vs. working. I have always been very career focussed and driven, so this came as a big shock to me. It was never this hard for me – probably just the fact that I don’t need to be at work all day made it pleasant, or maybe it was just the choice of going home when I pleased which made it worthwhile at my old place. Either way, I am hoping that this is just teething trouble, that it’s a phase which will pass and that I will be at peace with whatever decision I make.
Wednesday, 20 February 2008
Fear of Change
I am in a strange place in my head right now. I have resigned and am serving notice in my current job. The resignation was due to a variety of different reasons – organisational changes which I did not agree with and which directly affected me, being the main one. Then there was the fact that I was not learning anything new and doing the same old kind of work. Yet the biggest advantage of working here was the flexibility it offered me in terms of choosing my work hours. I had a rather sweet deal where in I could work half from home and half from the office, every single day of the week. I could also choose which half of the day to work from home, varying by day. With having a baby under the age of one at home, such a deal is a real boon. It meant that I could structure my days around her vaccination and health-visitor appointments, and just be around her so much more.
I recently did a full day at work because of some personal commitments that I had planned for one evening. Normally I would just go in late to work and so still do just half a day’s work from the office. That day though I had some meetings which I could not work around and I had to do a whole day at work. It was difficult to say the least – not seeing my daughter for such a long time, not being to wander off and finish other not-work-related stuff before coming back to work, the freedom to wander about and to sit at my desk the whole day. It just made me re-evaluate my choices.
I am going to join a new workplace very soon which means that I have to work full hours and do all the things mentioned above which I don’t particularly want to. It will mean that I have to start from scratch and prove my worth yet again. I lie – I have worked with my soon-to-be-new-boss before and so its not exactly re-starting. But this is a different role, a different place and a different time. So while I am not exactly starting over, I still have to work hard. And its hard to come to terms with my own decision.
When I rationalise and think about my decision, I know that I have made the right one. In my soon-to-be-old office, there are 2 other people who have worked for a longer time in the department than me, I have had more managers in the 3 years that I have been there than some have had in their entire working career, the team morale is very low and the staff attrition is very high, yet when I mention this to my manager, he says I am being negative. Not to mention the other fringe benefits which are much better in the new place.
Yet there is still a nagging voice at the back of my head questioning my decision over and over again. I guess it’s the old fear of change syndrome which is bothering me. I resist change and hate to have to modify a pattern which works well. Its probably my fear of having to get out of my comfort zone and having to exert myself more, which is not necessarily a bad thing.
I recently did a full day at work because of some personal commitments that I had planned for one evening. Normally I would just go in late to work and so still do just half a day’s work from the office. That day though I had some meetings which I could not work around and I had to do a whole day at work. It was difficult to say the least – not seeing my daughter for such a long time, not being to wander off and finish other not-work-related stuff before coming back to work, the freedom to wander about and to sit at my desk the whole day. It just made me re-evaluate my choices.
I am going to join a new workplace very soon which means that I have to work full hours and do all the things mentioned above which I don’t particularly want to. It will mean that I have to start from scratch and prove my worth yet again. I lie – I have worked with my soon-to-be-new-boss before and so its not exactly re-starting. But this is a different role, a different place and a different time. So while I am not exactly starting over, I still have to work hard. And its hard to come to terms with my own decision.
When I rationalise and think about my decision, I know that I have made the right one. In my soon-to-be-old office, there are 2 other people who have worked for a longer time in the department than me, I have had more managers in the 3 years that I have been there than some have had in their entire working career, the team morale is very low and the staff attrition is very high, yet when I mention this to my manager, he says I am being negative. Not to mention the other fringe benefits which are much better in the new place.
Yet there is still a nagging voice at the back of my head questioning my decision over and over again. I guess it’s the old fear of change syndrome which is bothering me. I resist change and hate to have to modify a pattern which works well. Its probably my fear of having to get out of my comfort zone and having to exert myself more, which is not necessarily a bad thing.
Friday, 8 February 2008
How long is a month ?
How much is a month’s notice ? You would think a month is taken as from the 1st of January to 31st of January or from the 28th January to 27th February right ? Nnnoo noo, not in our office. Our HR calculates one month as 25th January to 25th February. WTF ?
So I wrote to HR asking how they arrived at such a date. The HR lady respond saying that in our office, a month is taken as a month and not 4 weeks ! Who can fault that logic ? So I patiently explained to her that even if I take a month as 31 days from 28th January, it works out to 27th February and not 28th February. I told her how I had arrived at 31 days – considering there are 366 days this year (being a leap year), I divide that by 12, which gives me 30.5. Even after being generous and rounding that off to 31 days, it works out to be 27th February.
I thought she would certainly buy that logic of mine, but no. She responds with this email
“There is no calculation for this, we work on the basis of a months notice, and so we apply the same day in the following month as the last day. If this causes issues for you, your last day of employment can be the 27th February”.
Of course it causes issues for me, you moron. Why do I even have to explain this simple piece of logic to you ? Possibly nobody has raised this issue before, but that’s not my freaking problem is it ? And just because nobody has raised this in the past, it does not make it right. Also please don’t make it sound as if you are doing me a favour, because you are freaking not. I just want what is rightfully mine.
Sorry for being so pedantic, but it’s a matter of principle more than anything else. Working one extra day here is certainly not going to kill me. But why should I work an extra day just because you are incompetent and not doing your job properly ?
So I wrote to HR asking how they arrived at such a date. The HR lady respond saying that in our office, a month is taken as a month and not 4 weeks ! Who can fault that logic ? So I patiently explained to her that even if I take a month as 31 days from 28th January, it works out to 27th February and not 28th February. I told her how I had arrived at 31 days – considering there are 366 days this year (being a leap year), I divide that by 12, which gives me 30.5. Even after being generous and rounding that off to 31 days, it works out to be 27th February.
I thought she would certainly buy that logic of mine, but no. She responds with this email
“There is no calculation for this, we work on the basis of a months notice, and so we apply the same day in the following month as the last day. If this causes issues for you, your last day of employment can be the 27th February”.
Of course it causes issues for me, you moron. Why do I even have to explain this simple piece of logic to you ? Possibly nobody has raised this issue before, but that’s not my freaking problem is it ? And just because nobody has raised this in the past, it does not make it right. Also please don’t make it sound as if you are doing me a favour, because you are freaking not. I just want what is rightfully mine.
Sorry for being so pedantic, but it’s a matter of principle more than anything else. Working one extra day here is certainly not going to kill me. But why should I work an extra day just because you are incompetent and not doing your job properly ?
Thursday, 7 February 2008
Five Posts Tag
Thanks Silvara and Tharini for tagging me.
The rules are - Post 5 links to 5 of your previously written posts. The posts have to relate to the 5 key words given (family, friend, yourself, your love, anything you like). Tag 5 other friends to do this meme. Try to tag at least 2 new acquaintances (if not, your current blog buddies will do) so that you get to know them each a little bit better."
If I am completely honest, this tag was quite painful for me to do, mainly because I cringe when I read what I have written in the past. Another thing which I realised while I was doing this tag was that I need to assign labels to my posts a lot better than I am as I had real trouble finding the relevant posts.
Family, where I wrote about my daughter uttering her first words and this one about my sister.
I have a tag about Friends in my draft folder, which I started after reading MM’s post about ‘best friends’, which was ages ago. I need to get my act together and finish that off sometime soon. I cant seem to find any post where I have written about my friends, so this will have to do.
There are enough posts on this blog about me and my thoughts. This post was written after a meeting some of Calculus’s colleagues and I came home with a feeling of being sso under-qualified and it stayed with me for weeks and weeks.
I realised that I have not written a lot about my love, Calculus mainly because he doesn’t like to be written about here. He has often complained about it, more so recently than in the past. This is one which I had written a while ago. My latest love, all of an year and a bit old features here and my old love features here.
I love music. Its one of my biggest regrets that I did not focus more on it while I was learning to sing back in India. Indian classical music, which I have written about here is very close to my heart.
Now to tag 5 people, 30in2005, Southways and Choxbox who are my old(ish) buddies now. For two new buddies, I tag the new mommy on the block Premalatha and Preethi.
The rules are - Post 5 links to 5 of your previously written posts. The posts have to relate to the 5 key words given (family, friend, yourself, your love, anything you like). Tag 5 other friends to do this meme. Try to tag at least 2 new acquaintances (if not, your current blog buddies will do) so that you get to know them each a little bit better."
If I am completely honest, this tag was quite painful for me to do, mainly because I cringe when I read what I have written in the past. Another thing which I realised while I was doing this tag was that I need to assign labels to my posts a lot better than I am as I had real trouble finding the relevant posts.
Family, where I wrote about my daughter uttering her first words and this one about my sister.
I have a tag about Friends in my draft folder, which I started after reading MM’s post about ‘best friends’, which was ages ago. I need to get my act together and finish that off sometime soon. I cant seem to find any post where I have written about my friends, so this will have to do.
There are enough posts on this blog about me and my thoughts. This post was written after a meeting some of Calculus’s colleagues and I came home with a feeling of being sso under-qualified and it stayed with me for weeks and weeks.
I realised that I have not written a lot about my love, Calculus mainly because he doesn’t like to be written about here. He has often complained about it, more so recently than in the past. This is one which I had written a while ago. My latest love, all of an year and a bit old features here and my old love features here.
I love music. Its one of my biggest regrets that I did not focus more on it while I was learning to sing back in India. Indian classical music, which I have written about here is very close to my heart.
Now to tag 5 people, 30in2005, Southways and Choxbox who are my old(ish) buddies now. For two new buddies, I tag the new mommy on the block Premalatha and Preethi.
Friday, 1 February 2008
Lunchtime Trips
A couple of us at work have started taking ‘culture tours’ around the city. This is during our lunch time and when the weather is nice, so you can imagine how rare that must be, here in England. So one day we went to the Barbican, one day to the Guildhall and today we went to the Bank of England museum.
It’s incredible that we are literally down the road from the BoE museum but had no clue of its existence. We researched areas around here to go to, which might be interesting and found this place. I particularly liked the BoE museum.
It showcases how bank notes have evolved over 300 years and have coins from bygone eras in display. It was fun finally seeing what a farthing, sixpence, guinea actually looked like, rather than just reading about it. They had loads of interesting stuff – we obviously could not justice during one lunch time and so we plan to go back regularly till we finish off all the sections.
There was a solid gold bar, which weighed 13 kgs !! It was a pure, solid, heavy bar of gold – there really is no other way to describe it. You can try and lift this bar and boy was it heavy !! Obviously, it was well-protected and had its own CCTV linked up to it, but it still was a good experience.
Yesterday the same group decided to go to Drummond Street for a Indian lunch. It was rather hastily decided at the last minute – I had this incredible urge to eat something chatpata and tangy. So off we went to Drummond Street. Tasted the samosas of the famed Gupta brothers and had chaat and other snacky stuff at Ravi Shankar. I came back quite disappointed with the chaat, but it was a fun trip all the same.
I have not yet found a place which sells good chaat. Chaat preferences vary so much from person to person. I have not yet found a place here in London where the chaat is to my liking. We have this big, popular Indian area near our place, which is largely dominated by Gujaratis. Their chaat tends to be sweet and in spite of telling them to not make it sweet, it always is sweet for me. Any suggestions people for getting a good, spicy, chatpata chaat ?
It’s incredible that we are literally down the road from the BoE museum but had no clue of its existence. We researched areas around here to go to, which might be interesting and found this place. I particularly liked the BoE museum.
It showcases how bank notes have evolved over 300 years and have coins from bygone eras in display. It was fun finally seeing what a farthing, sixpence, guinea actually looked like, rather than just reading about it. They had loads of interesting stuff – we obviously could not justice during one lunch time and so we plan to go back regularly till we finish off all the sections.
There was a solid gold bar, which weighed 13 kgs !! It was a pure, solid, heavy bar of gold – there really is no other way to describe it. You can try and lift this bar and boy was it heavy !! Obviously, it was well-protected and had its own CCTV linked up to it, but it still was a good experience.
Yesterday the same group decided to go to Drummond Street for a Indian lunch. It was rather hastily decided at the last minute – I had this incredible urge to eat something chatpata and tangy. So off we went to Drummond Street. Tasted the samosas of the famed Gupta brothers and had chaat and other snacky stuff at Ravi Shankar. I came back quite disappointed with the chaat, but it was a fun trip all the same.
I have not yet found a place which sells good chaat. Chaat preferences vary so much from person to person. I have not yet found a place here in London where the chaat is to my liking. We have this big, popular Indian area near our place, which is largely dominated by Gujaratis. Their chaat tends to be sweet and in spite of telling them to not make it sweet, it always is sweet for me. Any suggestions people for getting a good, spicy, chatpata chaat ?
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