Having a choice..

I started at my new workplace this week. I like the new place, work is interesting and my new manager is wonderful, which is a big welcome change from my old place. I particularly like the fact that I can search for Calculus’s name within my office email client for it to show up, because we both work for the same parent company now ( I know, I know am easy to please that way). We are in different buildings, but just down the road from each other.

I am surrounded by sales people though and you can tell instantly – they are overtly friendly, use cheesy, clichéd lines all the time and are gregarious, welcoming and are constantly on the phone talking revenues, license fees etc. It’s quite a big change for me from my old place which was development centric and will take a bit of getting used to.

After hearing cheesy lines all of yesterday, your ears get attuned to it and you hardly notice them any more. Yet this morning when one of the sales people jested with another that ‘Nothing’s perfect in this place, except you S’, I could not help but smile inwardly.

However, nothing of the work day prepared me for the way I felt when I went home. As soon as I got home, my tear ducts started working overtime and I just could not control myself. I never imagined for a second that I would miss my little one so much. The enormous sense of guilt, wondering if I did the right thing by changing a perfect routine that we had established, arguing back and forth within my own head about the merits of staying home vs. working. I have always been very career focussed and driven, so this came as a big shock to me. It was never this hard for me – probably just the fact that I don’t need to be at work all day made it pleasant, or maybe it was just the choice of going home when I pleased which made it worthwhile at my old place. Either way, I am hoping that this is just teething trouble, that it’s a phase which will pass and that I will be at peace with whatever decision I make.