.. that I am a country girl at heart. A couple of years ago, when I moved to the UK from India (more specifically Bombay), I would have given anything to live in London. But now things are so different. I would love to move back to South Wales tomorrow. Will do a separate post on the reasons sometime..If it were not for the lack of jobs or the poor options we have when it comes to changing jobs, I would have moved without batting an eyelid.
.. people are so so much nicer in a small city. The people in my uncle's town are particularly friendly. Nothing big - just little things - a smile when they pass you down the hospital corridors inspite of being riddled by their own grief, letting your car pass while waiting at a busy intersection. It almost made me wonder why he was being nice to us and what he wanted from us, before I realised how a big city makes you change your thought-processes.
.. how each one of us is finally alone. In spite of having family around in the same country, my aunt was all alone in that hospital room for the good part of the day..
.. how hard it is to leave the little one for a whole night. I dont think she even noticed our absence, secure in her grandparents love and care, but it was a different story for us. We were restless and anxious all through, and the thought of her face lighting up when she sees us walk through the doors kept us going.
.. good health is paramount. I have the flu this week and its been awful. I just cant wait to get back to work and to my normal routine, however busy it may be.
.. how much I miss driving. I used to regularly drive more than 600 miles a week and now I drive about a couple of miles once every few weeks. The sheer joy of listening to good music and driving on a smooth, clear motorway is truly exhilarating.
Tuesday, 22 January 2008
Rough Weekend
We had planned a nice, relaxed weekend at home with the little one - just some time to rejuvenate our tired our batteries. I had a Buddhist meeting to go to on Sunday and so had planned my weekend around that, finishing off my weekly household chores on Saturday. Calculus has a bad bout of the flu - with a throat infection, blocked up nose all thrown in for good measure. He was off work on Friday, a real rarity for him !
Just as we had finished dinner, fed the little one and cleared up getting ready to watch some television to gently ease us into sleep, the phone rang. It was my uncle (the one who lives in South Wales and whom we visited over Christmas). I was pleasantly surprised to hear his voice as I knew that he would have just about landed in Heathrow after a 3-week holiday to India with my aunt. He sounded quite tense, nervous, anxious and panicky.
Apparently they were waiting for the bus to take them home to South Wales when my aunt's nose started bleeding. This has happened many times in the past and my uncle being a doctor, has always managed to treat her and stop the bleeding. This time though, in spite of packing her nose with bandages, the bleeding would not stop. The bus officials did not want to take a chance with her and so called an ambulance. He had called me from the ambulance, giving me the name of the hospital they were rushing her to.
There was no question of not going to see them. We were not sure of their plans, how serious it was, but of one thing I was certain - we had to go. My uncle is a worrier at the best of times and just the thought of him in that hospital A&E, with all his luggage around him unnerved me. The time being well past 9PM, Calculus would not let me go on my own and so he came along.
Our trusted sat-nav got us to the hospital without any mishap. My aunt was quite uncomfortable - imagine having something shoved up your nose and having to breathe through your mouth, when all you wanted was to go back home and sleep after a long flight home. All she kept telling me and my uncle was to ask the doctor to get the pack removed.
Her blood pressure too was sky-high and the doctors wanted to admit her to a hospital in North London, which had an ENT department. Both my aunt and uncle were quite uncomfortable with the thought - my uncle being a doctor knows a lot of the doctors in his local hospital and all he wanted to do was go home. The A&E doctor wasnt very happy with my uncle's suggestion when we told him that we wanted to take my aunt home, but he eventually relented.
Then began the paperwork and we started driving for South Wales around 11.00PM. It was around a 3-hour drive, but the circumstances made the whole drive so difficult. Calculus was sick and groggy with all the medication, my uncle quite tired with the whole ordeal and so both of them were unable to drive. I had not slept very well the night before and I was not sure how i would manage. But we did fine, stopping for coffee on the way and reached home in around 3 hours, inspite of the rains lashing like there were no tomorrow.
We drove straight to the hospital, got my aunt admitted in and finally left for my uncle's at around 4.30AM. She is still there, though its not anything serious. That particular hospital has bad memories for us - my aunt had her operation for the dreaded C disease a couple of years ago in that very same hospital, with me and my uncle pacing the corridors.
We visited her the next day and the vision of my poor aunt in a lonely, hospital room, crying her eyes out (she is normally such a strong person), wanting to go home, just wanting to breathe normally again is one which is not going to leave me for a very long time.
Just as we had finished dinner, fed the little one and cleared up getting ready to watch some television to gently ease us into sleep, the phone rang. It was my uncle (the one who lives in South Wales and whom we visited over Christmas). I was pleasantly surprised to hear his voice as I knew that he would have just about landed in Heathrow after a 3-week holiday to India with my aunt. He sounded quite tense, nervous, anxious and panicky.
Apparently they were waiting for the bus to take them home to South Wales when my aunt's nose started bleeding. This has happened many times in the past and my uncle being a doctor, has always managed to treat her and stop the bleeding. This time though, in spite of packing her nose with bandages, the bleeding would not stop. The bus officials did not want to take a chance with her and so called an ambulance. He had called me from the ambulance, giving me the name of the hospital they were rushing her to.
There was no question of not going to see them. We were not sure of their plans, how serious it was, but of one thing I was certain - we had to go. My uncle is a worrier at the best of times and just the thought of him in that hospital A&E, with all his luggage around him unnerved me. The time being well past 9PM, Calculus would not let me go on my own and so he came along.
Our trusted sat-nav got us to the hospital without any mishap. My aunt was quite uncomfortable - imagine having something shoved up your nose and having to breathe through your mouth, when all you wanted was to go back home and sleep after a long flight home. All she kept telling me and my uncle was to ask the doctor to get the pack removed.
Her blood pressure too was sky-high and the doctors wanted to admit her to a hospital in North London, which had an ENT department. Both my aunt and uncle were quite uncomfortable with the thought - my uncle being a doctor knows a lot of the doctors in his local hospital and all he wanted to do was go home. The A&E doctor wasnt very happy with my uncle's suggestion when we told him that we wanted to take my aunt home, but he eventually relented.
Then began the paperwork and we started driving for South Wales around 11.00PM. It was around a 3-hour drive, but the circumstances made the whole drive so difficult. Calculus was sick and groggy with all the medication, my uncle quite tired with the whole ordeal and so both of them were unable to drive. I had not slept very well the night before and I was not sure how i would manage. But we did fine, stopping for coffee on the way and reached home in around 3 hours, inspite of the rains lashing like there were no tomorrow.
We drove straight to the hospital, got my aunt admitted in and finally left for my uncle's at around 4.30AM. She is still there, though its not anything serious. That particular hospital has bad memories for us - my aunt had her operation for the dreaded C disease a couple of years ago in that very same hospital, with me and my uncle pacing the corridors.
We visited her the next day and the vision of my poor aunt in a lonely, hospital room, crying her eyes out (she is normally such a strong person), wanting to go home, just wanting to breathe normally again is one which is not going to leave me for a very long time.
Tuesday, 8 January 2008
Work Bungles..
I have never been much of a talker and am more of a listener. I say something only when I think it adds some value to the conversation. I am inherently quite a shy person and talking does not come naturally to me. (I can almost see a couple of people rolling their eyes as they read this, but its true). Maybe I should qualify my last statement a bit more – talking about me does not come naturally to me at all and yet I talk much more now than I ever used to. Before I say anything, I will mentally weigh the merit of saying it and many a times I don’t say anything for fear of coming across as silly and ill-informed.
It’s the same at work – I have a select few whom I am quite close to and will talk to about stuff. On the whole though, I like to come in, keep my head down and get on with my work. I have never faced a problem because of it though because for the large part, my work has held me in good stead. Recently though, something happened at work which made me sit up and reconsider my stance on office behaviour.
There have been a lot of organisational changes in my workplace recently. They have combined a couple of business units (including mine) to form bigger departments or segments as they like to call it. My reporting structure has been changed too and I now have to report to a colleague (lets call him HD) who is on the same level as me. Normally I don’t have any qualms about whom I report to, because of the way things function round here. We are given a fairly free hand with respect to how we deliver our work so long as we deliver it. There is not too much of micro-management and people normally just get on with what’s to be done. So it does not really make much difference about whom you report to.
Yet this time it is very different. HD is so so limited in his repertoire of knowledge and he certainly cannot mentor or guide me in my sphere of work at all because he knows absolutely nothing about it. This is not a secret either and most people know this, and so I guess even the powers that be are aware of it. Now here’s the thing. I think HD was considered for that position only because he talks a lot. He makes his presence felt, talks a lot – not about work most times, always goes out for drinks with everybody (which believe me is a big part of socialising here), does some consultancy too (which helps because our team is only called for consulting if there is a critical problem on-site and if you can fix that, then you get noticed more) – the last two of which I have not been able to do because of the baby. Not that I regret not doing any of those for even a minute, it’s just that it does mean that I tend to get noticed less.
I also want to clarify that I am not interested in his new position either. To be honest, I don’t envy him at all because they are setting him up to fail. They have given him a project, which is so complex with stringent deadlines that there is no way on earth that the project will be successfully completed. He knows it and probably the middle management know it too but the project sponsor and senior management don’t have a clue. To be fair to HD, he is a nice guy and I get along well with him, just don’t think he is suitable in the role of my boss..
So I am in a quandary now. Do I start talking more only because I want to get noticed ? As soon as the managers arrive (many of the senior management are in the US), do I make more of an effort ? That sounds so shallow and so unlike me. And it would be hypocritical.
This episode affected me quite a lot over the Christmas period and dampened my spirits considerably. Now I do have alternate plans in mind because I am not one to take things lying down, specially if I think its an injustice. I have also been chanting a lot about this situation because it has made me deeply unhappy. Today I came to the office and my old boss casually mentions that the plan to promote HD is on hold. Apparently, they made an announcement rather quickly before the big boss had formally approved the decision !!! I know, I know such things can only happen at my workplace. The plan to promote HD is still there, but doesn’t come into effect until 6 months and that too only if the big man is convinced that HD is the right man for the job. I have to say I feel a teenie-weenie bit sorry for HD, but I am so so relieved that things are back to how they were.
It’s the same at work – I have a select few whom I am quite close to and will talk to about stuff. On the whole though, I like to come in, keep my head down and get on with my work. I have never faced a problem because of it though because for the large part, my work has held me in good stead. Recently though, something happened at work which made me sit up and reconsider my stance on office behaviour.
There have been a lot of organisational changes in my workplace recently. They have combined a couple of business units (including mine) to form bigger departments or segments as they like to call it. My reporting structure has been changed too and I now have to report to a colleague (lets call him HD) who is on the same level as me. Normally I don’t have any qualms about whom I report to, because of the way things function round here. We are given a fairly free hand with respect to how we deliver our work so long as we deliver it. There is not too much of micro-management and people normally just get on with what’s to be done. So it does not really make much difference about whom you report to.
Yet this time it is very different. HD is so so limited in his repertoire of knowledge and he certainly cannot mentor or guide me in my sphere of work at all because he knows absolutely nothing about it. This is not a secret either and most people know this, and so I guess even the powers that be are aware of it. Now here’s the thing. I think HD was considered for that position only because he talks a lot. He makes his presence felt, talks a lot – not about work most times, always goes out for drinks with everybody (which believe me is a big part of socialising here), does some consultancy too (which helps because our team is only called for consulting if there is a critical problem on-site and if you can fix that, then you get noticed more) – the last two of which I have not been able to do because of the baby. Not that I regret not doing any of those for even a minute, it’s just that it does mean that I tend to get noticed less.
I also want to clarify that I am not interested in his new position either. To be honest, I don’t envy him at all because they are setting him up to fail. They have given him a project, which is so complex with stringent deadlines that there is no way on earth that the project will be successfully completed. He knows it and probably the middle management know it too but the project sponsor and senior management don’t have a clue. To be fair to HD, he is a nice guy and I get along well with him, just don’t think he is suitable in the role of my boss..
So I am in a quandary now. Do I start talking more only because I want to get noticed ? As soon as the managers arrive (many of the senior management are in the US), do I make more of an effort ? That sounds so shallow and so unlike me. And it would be hypocritical.
This episode affected me quite a lot over the Christmas period and dampened my spirits considerably. Now I do have alternate plans in mind because I am not one to take things lying down, specially if I think its an injustice. I have also been chanting a lot about this situation because it has made me deeply unhappy. Today I came to the office and my old boss casually mentions that the plan to promote HD is on hold. Apparently, they made an announcement rather quickly before the big boss had formally approved the decision !!! I know, I know such things can only happen at my workplace. The plan to promote HD is still there, but doesn’t come into effect until 6 months and that too only if the big man is convinced that HD is the right man for the job. I have to say I feel a teenie-weenie bit sorry for HD, but I am so so relieved that things are back to how they were.
Friday, 4 January 2008
New Year Thoughts..
• This past year has been a very eventful one. It started off with a bang with the birth of our lovely daughter in January. She got a wonderful welcome with her grandparents, my brother and his wife from the US here on the day she was born and my uncle and aunt coming down from Wales, making it a full house. Overall motherhood has been a very enjoyable experience. The little one is a fairly content, ‘shaant baccha’ so I cant complain too much (I should probably not say this to jinx the J monster!). Yet I would be lying if there haven’t been moments where the sheer enormity of it all has overwhelmed me and I just want to curl under my warm duvet and sleep. These moments have been few and far in between, but yes they have been there.
• This was the year where my patience was tested to the limit. Just when I thought I was going to lose it, I have had to go deeper and dig into my frugal reserves. I hope I can be more patient this year too.
• I started this blog, which has been a great ride so far. Made some very nice new friends and also discovered that there are so many people out there who are so similar, just that I haven’t met them as yet.
• I met some incredibly nice people in London, connected instantly with them and now feel like I have known them for a long time. For the first time in the 3 years that I have been in London, I feel grounded.
• I have had family visiting and staying with us for the large part of the year. I am a very people person and love being surrounded by lots of people, so it has been good fun. Of course it has its downside too, but again on the whole a thoroughly enjoyable experience and I would not hesitate for a moment to do it all over again.
• We have gone through the tough task of finding a house to buy. We started off with great enthusiasm, narrowed down places, saw a lot of houses but nothing which we both liked instantly. Then came this sub-prime crisis and so we decided to wait. But this last year has really really made me miss having my own place.
• I managed to stick to my resolution to buy fewer clothes for myself, mainly because I want to consume less. I still did buy some, but not as much as I would normally have. But hey, this is a new year and so I am going shopping tomorrow to stock up again !!!!
• I don’t have any specific resolutions for 2008, mainly because I know I will not stick to them for too long. Instead, I resolve to resolve more often and not just at New Years and stick to them.
• The one thing which comes to mind instantly is to keep the house cleaner. I tend to leave things scattered around the house and it always gets Calculus’s goat. I also want this to be the year where we finally move into our own place so that I can decorate it my way and buy toys for the little one without worrying too much about where we are going to put it. Hope it works out.
Have a great New Year 2008.
• This was the year where my patience was tested to the limit. Just when I thought I was going to lose it, I have had to go deeper and dig into my frugal reserves. I hope I can be more patient this year too.
• I started this blog, which has been a great ride so far. Made some very nice new friends and also discovered that there are so many people out there who are so similar, just that I haven’t met them as yet.
• I met some incredibly nice people in London, connected instantly with them and now feel like I have known them for a long time. For the first time in the 3 years that I have been in London, I feel grounded.
• I have had family visiting and staying with us for the large part of the year. I am a very people person and love being surrounded by lots of people, so it has been good fun. Of course it has its downside too, but again on the whole a thoroughly enjoyable experience and I would not hesitate for a moment to do it all over again.
• We have gone through the tough task of finding a house to buy. We started off with great enthusiasm, narrowed down places, saw a lot of houses but nothing which we both liked instantly. Then came this sub-prime crisis and so we decided to wait. But this last year has really really made me miss having my own place.
• I managed to stick to my resolution to buy fewer clothes for myself, mainly because I want to consume less. I still did buy some, but not as much as I would normally have. But hey, this is a new year and so I am going shopping tomorrow to stock up again !!!!
• I don’t have any specific resolutions for 2008, mainly because I know I will not stick to them for too long. Instead, I resolve to resolve more often and not just at New Years and stick to them.
• The one thing which comes to mind instantly is to keep the house cleaner. I tend to leave things scattered around the house and it always gets Calculus’s goat. I also want this to be the year where we finally move into our own place so that I can decorate it my way and buy toys for the little one without worrying too much about where we are going to put it. Hope it works out.
Have a great New Year 2008.
Thursday, 3 January 2008
Turning One..
My little one had her star birthday yesterday – her first birthday !! It sounds so clichéd and overused – but time has flown past this last year. After debating a lot about what to do for her first birthday, we settled on something quite unconventional. Traditionally, in a Tamilian household, the first nakshatram birthday as it is called is celebrated with much fanfare. A huge homam – ayusha homam, for the child’s long life and health is performed with loads of well-wishers present and as always, an elaborate meal. Most of the relatives on both sides of the family and friends would attend the celebration and it really is a big deal.
Calculus and I both don’t believe in all these rituals and ceremonies. He is an atheist and is much more opposed to these rituals than me and has not believed in them for as long as he can remember. For me, it has been more of a gradual process, with me losing faith in these rituals over a period of time. When we were discussing about what we wanted to do for the little one’s first birthday, the first thought which came to my mind was the homam. Years of attending these homams has conditioned my mind to think that that was the most logical way to celebrate her first star birthday. When I said this aloud to Calculus, it made me realise that I wanted to do it only because that was the norm and not because I believed in it at all. Moreover, his parents are with us now and I was not sure how they would react to a celebration which did not have a homam and so thought it might be foolish to suggest otherwise. When we mentioned it to them though, both his parents were quite cool with the idea of not having a homam at all. They are quite unconventional and most importantly non-interfering that way.
The next step was to find something else that would memorably mark the occasion. After a lot of deliberation and a lot of help from the in-laws, we agreed upon feeding the poor at Tiruvanamalai. My MIL’s sister lives there and is very active in the ashram there, so she could oversee the whole process. Also for the same amount of money (converted in rupees) that the homam would cost here, so much more could be done there. Added to it is the thought that we are contributing in our own little way.
The little one is sporting a fresh, brand new bruise for her first birthday. Her first fall !! She fell yesterday and managed to injure herself on the edge of a small soft plastic cube meant for children her age. And she has certainly picked her spot well – right on her nose. Her nose is bright red – reminded me of the times my acne used to choose its preferred spot – right on my nose. The little one seems to have forgotten all about it though and now its only us adults bemoaning her state. Though this post is a day late, the sentiment is still very much there. Have a great birthday, my little princess.
Calculus and I both don’t believe in all these rituals and ceremonies. He is an atheist and is much more opposed to these rituals than me and has not believed in them for as long as he can remember. For me, it has been more of a gradual process, with me losing faith in these rituals over a period of time. When we were discussing about what we wanted to do for the little one’s first birthday, the first thought which came to my mind was the homam. Years of attending these homams has conditioned my mind to think that that was the most logical way to celebrate her first star birthday. When I said this aloud to Calculus, it made me realise that I wanted to do it only because that was the norm and not because I believed in it at all. Moreover, his parents are with us now and I was not sure how they would react to a celebration which did not have a homam and so thought it might be foolish to suggest otherwise. When we mentioned it to them though, both his parents were quite cool with the idea of not having a homam at all. They are quite unconventional and most importantly non-interfering that way.
The next step was to find something else that would memorably mark the occasion. After a lot of deliberation and a lot of help from the in-laws, we agreed upon feeding the poor at Tiruvanamalai. My MIL’s sister lives there and is very active in the ashram there, so she could oversee the whole process. Also for the same amount of money (converted in rupees) that the homam would cost here, so much more could be done there. Added to it is the thought that we are contributing in our own little way.
The little one is sporting a fresh, brand new bruise for her first birthday. Her first fall !! She fell yesterday and managed to injure herself on the edge of a small soft plastic cube meant for children her age. And she has certainly picked her spot well – right on her nose. Her nose is bright red – reminded me of the times my acne used to choose its preferred spot – right on my nose. The little one seems to have forgotten all about it though and now its only us adults bemoaning her state. Though this post is a day late, the sentiment is still very much there. Have a great birthday, my little princess.
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