ALERT – This post talks about my child’s bowel functions in detail. If you find this vile or disgusting or too much information for your liking, please feel free to skip. Normal programming will resume after this post.

Somehow motherhood makes you cross the barriers of discussing distasteful topics and things like poop and pee become quite important, specially the lack of.

We had quite a rough weekend as the little one has been constipated. It had been like that for more than a week but since she has been alert, active, happy, playful and has more or less retained her appetite, we were not that concerned. She would strain a lot with her face going rather red from the effort and produce two-three hard pellets.

We tried loads of home remedies which we had read/heard about – giving her boiled, cooled water with raisins and omam (ajwain in Hindi), bananas and no bananas (there is this debate if banana is good/bad for constipation), an entirely liquid diet, lots of orange juice, getting her to eat raisins, more water in her diet, prune juice (which was a real challenge because she hates the taste of it).

On Saturday, she still wasn’t feeling any better. So I decided to call NHS Direct. I have never been happy with the service levels within the NHS, but NHS Direct is one service which I recommend whole-heartedly. It is a phone service run by nurses, who take down all the details and then get an emergency doctor closest to where you live to call you back for specialist advice. The nurses are so friendly, helpful, reassuring, caring – a far cry from the ones I have seen at the hospitals. The emergency doctor called us back and prescribed Lactulose – all on the phone. That’s how advanced the system is here in this country.

By Tuesday, after continuing with the home remedies as well as starting her off on the medication, we still had no luck. There was hardly any change in her pooping pattern and I sought some gyaan from a wonderful network of other mothers that I am a part of. One of them mentioned that her son had to be hospitalized for constipation and so I should not take it lightly. That freaked me out completely and also the little one passed some blood, what with all the straining.

We took her to our GP straight away and his diagnosis was that we should give her melon, avoid bananas completely, give her lots and lots of fruits and vegetables, water and double the dosage of lactulose. She seems to be on the mend, but is not fully ok as yet. The doctor said that as long as her abdomen is soft (which it was), we should not worry too much and go back to him after a week. Its been more than a week but she has not fully recovered as yet. Fingers crossed, wondering what this long weekend will bring.

An update on the little one..

The little one has grown so so much since the last time I wrote.. Its hard keeping pace with her now, since she learns new things everyday.

My parents arrived around the first week of April. The 'change of guards' as Calculus refers to the grandparents-changing-over ritual happened then. There was a day's overlap between one set of parents arriving and the other leaving and it was good fun. The little one was quite amused to find that she had two sets of thathas and paatis in the same room.

Calculus's father was very very upset to leave the little one behind and it was awful watching the separation. It is times like these that make you wish you lived a lot closer to home. My parents already talk about how upset they will be when they leave 5 months later !!!!!!!!

The little one took to my parents quite well, my father especially. He has a way with children and has always been good with them. She took a little more time to get familiar with my mother, and now she is very attached to both. She took a lot more time this time around to get adjusted to my mother feeding her, changing her nappy, bathing her, to name a few. She has my father wrapped around her little finger - also she needs to do is whimper and my father will go running to her.

She loves playing catch catch with Calculus. She throws the ball and Calculus has to make a big fuss of catching the ball and she is so so amused by that. She also loves watching him throw the ball on to the wall and catch it. That can keep her amused for a long time. Our terrace is indeed proving to be a real blessing, now that it is summer time - she spends ages walking there on a nice day.

If we ask her 'Who is N baby', she points to herself.. rather sweet..

She loves playing hide and seek.. She has to be carried by paati and thatha has to go and hide. No other combination works as well nor is she satisfied by any other.

She spends a lot of time sitting by the french window in our bedroom and looking out. My mother says that she sits there a lot during the day too, amusing herself and chattering away.

She keeps herself amused a lot by her VTech Alphabet desk. It plays musical tunes and she has clear favourites, which she listens to over and over again. Another favourite is putting on her signature tune and dancing endlessly - stamping her feet, waving her hands, swirling like a dervish, doing sit-ups - all variations of her dance routine.

She loves to smear body lotion on your hands, legs.. She also understands some basic commands - like get me my socks, get me my cream.. With her always willing temperament, I see a good errand girl in the making :)

She had her first alphonso mangoes this season. I dont think she particularly cared for it, if i am completely honest. She ate them, but not with as much passion as I would have liked her to. Ah well, am sure there is still time.

She doesnt let anybody near her when she is pooping now. She has her designated corner and if you go near her, she shoos you away. Only when she is done are you allowed to go near her.

The other day while I was giving her a bath, she suddenly became very distressed and started crying. Initially, I could not figure out the reason and was trying all sorts when I realised that she wanted to poop. My reasoning was that she did not want to poop in the bath and so she was distressed. I was nearly done anyway, so quickly towelled her, put her nappy and dress on. Only then would she do her job. Maybe she is ready for toilet training !!!

She still has a strange fear of most men !! For instance, the man who came to read the electric meter, window cleaner, our conceirge downstairs (not the lady, just the man even though he is very friendly to her), my male friend who visited recently. My friend persisted in winning her over and eventually succeeded.. Mind you, am not complaining, merely pointing out.

She still has not interacted much with other children her age, something which I hope will change soon.

Of spending habits...

It’s quite obvious that I have middle class blood flowing in my veins, which surfaces ever so often, reminding me to save money. To not spend anything, especially not on non-essentials and stock up on stuff that I can during our regular trips back to desh. So for instance bags, contact-lenses, dental work, kitchen gadgets would fall under this category in this classification that I have devised.

This list used to be much longer than it is now, but over the years, it has reduced considerably. Calculus thinks I am mad and nearly disowned me once because he had to pay excess baggage for getting a wet grinder with him from India on one trip. Thankfully, I was not with him to bear the brunt of his anger and by the time he got home, he had mellowed down a lot and though he was still annoyed, it wasn’t all that bad probably because of the joy he felt on seeing me (or so I like to think).

During my first trip abroad (on work) in 1997, I would hesitate to even drink a cup of coffee because it cost the equivalent of 80 rupees. Probably at that time, it made sense because I was still earning in INR and was getting a daily allowance in the local currency of the country (used to be Dutch Guilders, but that’s all changed now). With each trip, my hesitation gradually reduced at least when it came to buying food. With other things – clothes, electronics I was rather careful, doing the math frantically in my head each time.

The converting habit has largely remained with me to this day. I have this horrible habit of converting pounds into rupees for selected things that I buy. The keyword here is selected as I don’t do any conversion whatsoever for clothes. For everything else I still do. I recently bought a rather expensive designer label bag for an astronomical sum (after much convincing from a dear friend, I must add) – a sum which would have probably sufficed as our food budget for an entire month (but hey food is cheap in this country – not eating out, but grocery wise). I was doing the mental math, thinking that I will probably be able to buy 10 such bags in Dharavi for that price. I felt guilty for days after, not using the bag at all, but admiring it from a distance. I finally succumbed and started using it – its also strange how I have suddenly started noticing the type of bags other women carry. I can now see how easy it is to get addicted to the good things in life.

Why was I reminded of all of this suddenly? Because I got a haircut last week and my mother gasped when Calculus mentioned the converted rupee figure to my mother, (in jest) because he knew it would bug me and it sure did. My haircut’s great though and calculus noticed it immediately as I walked in, which is saying a lot.

Farewell.

(may 7)

Dear Aunty Uma,

I heard about your passing on (on 5^th May - TWO entire days late) from R today. R was thoughtful enough to email me. I read it while at work away from home, thankfully at the end of the day else I would not have been able to function at all. I just wanted to fast-forward through our business dinner, come back to the hotel room and relive all those wonderful memories that I have in my mind. Yet I endured the dinner and put on a brave face, much as what you told me once. You would have been proud of me, I am sure.

I don’t even remember the last time I met you – it has been so long now. Every time I visit home, I always always think of visiting Chennai to see you, but somehow it never materialized over the years. I don’t think I can ever forgive myself for putting it off for as long as I did.

One of the reasons I did not visit in all these years was because I could combine visiting you with P’s wedding. When she told me a few months ago that she had found ‘The One’ but no dates had been finalized, I was already making mental plans of attending. I don’t think I will now, I just cannot imagine her wedding without you in it. Not in my mind in a million years.

I have learnt so so many lessons from you all through my childhood. I somehow cannot imagine a world without you in it. Of the many kind aunties in the building, I was the closest to you and so often think of the numerous afternoons spent at your place.

One of my earliest memories is of P as a baby. A chubby, bouncy, happy baby – she was the building favourite. Of how you would let us handle P, under your very watchful eyes. You were visible yet invisible, one of the things which I admired immensely. I also learned so many positive things about sibling rivalry from you – how beautifully you handled S when she grew immensely jealous of P (of course this one is in hindsight).

Do you remember the time when S and me were arguing about death ? I don’t remember the exact argument now, all I do remember is how you handled us – giving us valuable life lessons along the way. You taught me to view a funeral as a celebration of one’s life for a life well lived, something which was quite alien to me at the time, among so many other wonderful life lessons that you taught us. Above all, I don’t think I can ever forget how you never differentiated between S & P at all ever.

Remember the time where you spoke about how you would have loved to work, have a career but that it never worked out like that. Of all the stories which you told us to keep us indoors away from the scorching heat of the sun on many many afternoons, that one is etched in my memory.

I have so many memories of our time together – that they cant all be put down here. Yet some stand out as I relive those days – remember those wonderful snacks you used to make when S, P and I played in your house – a new one everyday. How I would run up the five floors to your house when I was upset or angry and wanted to be away from home.

I think one of the main reasons why I joined the shloka class was because you were going. How though you wanted me to join you and S & P, you never forced me into it and made me make my own decisions.

I don’t think I will ever forget how you and S cajoled me into visiting Kallidaikuruchi (in the heart of Tamil Nadu) with you once. S and I had so much fun together and that holiday has been etched into my memory. How I got special treatment from your brother, mami just because they knew how fond of me you were. How welcome they made me feel inspite of me visiting them for the first time and staying with them for nearly 2 weeks. I got preferential treatment, much to S’s dismay.

I did hear about your bypass surgery, how well you had recovered, how you had insisted on helping out S when you had recovered sufficiently. You were, of course, in my prayers during all those times – I honestly wish I had made more an effort to come and visit you after your surgery.

Look at the guidance I received in my email today –

“ No one is more wonderful than a mother. And there is nothing more noble than a mother's heart. I hope you will all treasure your mothers. Truly praiseworthy are those who have a sense of gratitude and appreciation toward their parents. The Buddhist sutras teach that the practice of Buddhism is the ultimate expression of devotion to one's parents, and the Buddha excels in such dedication and concern.”

My mother often used to joke that if ever something happened to her, she knew that I would go and live with you over any of my own relatives. And you know what, she was right.

Rest in peace Aunty Uma.

Lots of love
Me

Restraint

I am learning restraint and it’s hard.

I have been an impulsive person all my life and this is exceptionally difficult for me. It does not come naturally to me at all.

But I am determined to. I stand to lose out much more if I don’t. And I am not prepared to do that.