A group of us ladies met up for dinner on Friday night. All of them have babies about the same age as my little one. I am always amazed at how these ladies party - they certainly know how to let their hair down and enjoy themselves. Even calls from their husbands saying that their babies are crying does not faze them - am not sure if its their 'bindaas' nature or the after-effects of alcohol. The evening had been planned for a while - with diaries to be matched not only between us girls but also with the men involved, as they would have to baby-sit. We went for a nice Indian meal in a nice, relaxing restaurant. The waiters were quite unobtrusive - around but not visible, which is a hallmark of a good restaurant.
After the usual exchange of baby feeding patterns, latest antics, sleeping patterns and everything baby-related, the topic of conversation shifted to 'mother-in-laws'. All of them think that I am a glutton for punishment - having my parents over for 6 months and then my in-laws for the next 6 months. All of them agree that this is one of the best solutions for childcare, specially when the baby is young. But for the life of them, they cannot comprehend living with their parents for such a long extended duration. Though they are comfortable with their own mothers looking after their babies, in the mother's house obviously, they dont like it if the mother-in-law visits them and the baby more than once a week. Even the customary once-a-week visit is granted begrudgingly - the daughter-in-laws want it to be less frequent.
They are also a bundle of contradictions when it comes to their mothers-in-laws. They dont want their husbands to be too close to their mothers, yet when it comes to them, its completely different. Most of them have baby boys. So while they dont want their husbands to be close to their mothers, they want their sons to be close to them !! One of them even went as far as to say that she wishes her son is gay - so that she doesnt have to put up with his wife !!! Also she gets two sons who dote on her then !!
The paradox in this is that all of them think that their mothers-in-law are nice women too, dont interfere too much in their marriages, are not mean to them at all, dont expect anything from them, come to their houses, cook and clean for them too... Yet its almost as if an invisible barrier exists which doesnt melt away. These problems seem universal, irrespective of geographical boundaries..
My own mother-in-law is very sweet, non-interfering, a voracious reader and a lecturer of English Literature. She loves to shop and during her last trip here, she bought 6 pairs of shoes from Oxford Street in one go - a feat which I have not yet achieved. She has a great taste in clothes - her saree collection is fabulous and both me and my sister too have an eye on her sarees. She is quite liberal and because she has worked all her life, she knows the difficulties associated in working and running a household and hence has never expected anything from me. She is quite eloquent and often quotes from literary works during a conversation. Because of this, I could hardly contribute to the discussion !!
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3 comments:
want to swap?!
@ MM - Am not going to give her the option - she might actually take it, considering she is in the same city as you and would have two lovely little children to play with !!
I had to leave a comment here. I just cannot applaud my MIL for anything, even if I think hard. I envy people who praise their inlaws like you have done!
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